Emo Scene Community

What better place to get it out than here, where no one really knows me. I won't have to worry about pitying looks and bullshit like that. I don't need advice...god knows I'm far beyond that. Three years too far. Just to say it. I'm in love with someone so cruel and selfish...so narcissistic. It's disgusting how much this boy loves himself. And the way he lies. It's like breathing to him. I don't know what I can trust...honestly. I can't trust anything he says. So all that I give him credit for...against my better nature-IT NATURALLY comes back to bite me in the ass. He told me I could make him my reason to live...when I was suicidal. He promised me that he would always be here for me...and I told him that I would stay alive until he didn't want me anymore...until he showed me that he didn't want me anymore. I stopped cutting. Meh...he says he won't hurt me anymore, I'll never have a reason to cut again. He'll never lie again. everything he's scared to tell me...he'll tell me now, since he now knows there is no reason to be afraid of me (NO FUCKING DUH, I GIVE HIM THE WORLD AND HAVE TOLERATED HIS SHIT FOR YEARS)...promised me that I won't find out shit he's been hiding from other people anymore, there will be nothing to find. Ah, so this picture reveals another lie...just pops up on my facebook. I get tired of being shown he doesn't want me, and being begged for another chance...giving it under the promise that he'll show me how much he loves me and wants me...and then again...being hurt. I think I'm done. Fuck not cutting, fuck living, man. This shit is sick. It's sick that there are people who love themselves so much that they would do this to another person, knowing that they're tearing her heart apart. Knowing that she only lives for him! It's disgusting, and I just wanted to put it out there. As much as I will always love him...I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM I HATE HIM I HATE HIM! I want someone to hurt him as much as he hurts me, I want him to cry every night, to not know how to deal with the pain. I want him to feel that helplessness and pick up the worst fucking habit he can find and then try to stop it, I WANT IT ALL TO BE THROWN BACK AT HIM! I WANT HIM TO HURT! I wish Ididn't. I wish I could still just only want good for him, but it hurts so fucking bad, even if I let myself bleed out, it wouldn't take away the pain he gives me. It hurts. That's all.