Emo Scene Community

As some of you know I am deeply in love with someone, as others of you know we broke up. When we were together it was the happiest I've ever been, battling depression and anorexia as well as various other things, just seeing and talking to her took my pain away.. That was until a few weeks ago.... She stopped talking to me, hated me even for no reason, when I phoned her or asked for an explanation she spat her words at me, each and every word filled with hate. She maintains to this day that she has never hated me, and yet she leaves me feeling she has never loved me. In the dead of night she will text "I love you." or "I'm sorry." with nothing else but the occasional ":(" or ":'(" when she's had a nightmare or finding it hard. In the past she has caused us to break up and left me twice, both times I forgave her and I actually made it up to her... I bought her all I could, travelled from South Wales to Eastern England by train and paid to stay at a B&B just to see her, I swapped rooms and paid double so we could stay together. I've made every effort I can giving all I can to make her feel so special. She text me last night and I rang her giving all I could telling her how much I love her and why, she just fell asleep... It's killing me, I tried to say goodbye I even left her. I've cut my side open 50 times at once, my leg 45, and my wrist up every vain, I've overdosed 7 times, drunk myself to sleep, hidden from the world and pushed away my friends. I don't know what to do any more, how to act, or do anything. I go each day to and from college then hide away in my room holding a secret I'm too scared and upset to tell anyone. I'm running in the student elections to be the Welfare Officer to keep myself busy,I'm interviewing people tomorrow for a job with Save the Children. I'm lost and so scared and can't concentrate on college work because of her and this secret. I seriously need help. Please.