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If ignorance is bliss, Then eradicate my knowledge of my history Now meaningless, left on my own I looked for a long time, Crossed paths with your kind But some things are better left alone Shame Shame, by From First To Last

Emo Forums » Help And Advice (Reply)

ForeverTheSickestEmo
Posts: 26
Anguish and continuous crying Sep 02 2011, 10:04 PM
Don't I just feel fucking loved. Please note the sarcasm. I hated most of this fucking week. Everyday, I've been getting yelled at. I got blocked by someone I know on dA. I literally didn't do anything so now I'm confused about that. and worst off all, I was CRYING on the way school today. When my friends said hi to me this morning, I almost started crying again. But my friend made me feel a lot better. So thank you V******. This blog thing is dedicated for you for helping me not cry and making me feel better and helping me get through school today. I just feel so hated right now. I normally don't care when someone hates me, but when it's from someone I actually care about, that's what hurts me most. I feel so...... helpless. I feel like I'm screaming out of the top of my lungs and no one seems to notice...... It's almost as if I'm not even here anymore. The one person I need right now, I can never have. I have enough to deal with. My own emotional problems, problems with my body, my gender identity problems, my school problems, my personal problems....... and right now I feel like I have no one. I just wanna go......... and fall into a nightmare............. and never wake up from it..... See Dad? See what a fucking mess I am? See what your real daughter is like? See how imperfect I am? Do you finally realize that I am not the person you think I am? Do you finally understand that there is so much stuff I can never tell you because I'm afraid of how you'll think of me? Do finally realize how sorry I am that I'm not the daughter you wanted? Why can't you see that no matter how hard you try, I can never be fixed? Once something is broken, it can never be perfect again. And that thing is me. I bet you're having loads of joy of just how miserable I am now, huh? I bet you're just laughing it up right now, thinking after all this time, I deserve it. And you know what? I probably do. So you got what you wanted. You always do. I'm gonna go and cry on my bed. -Noah

Replies

nezzyneon
Posts: 896
Sep 03 2011, 07:08 AM
i am so sorry to hear that :( i wish i could do something right now to make you feel better....awe reading this has me quite sad now. If you ever need anyone to talk to i am most definitely here noah...i promise. And i wish you never feel hurt this way again. *hugg*
MonkeyButt
Posts: 219
Sep 03 2011, 12:18 PM
I know everyone says this but I mean it, I will ALWAYS be here to talk if you need it. Your just going through a VERY emotional time. I was like that when I went to camp. Just the littlest things make you want to burst into tears & go run & cry on your bed. My theory on this is that it starts off with one fucking huge problem then it spreads like cancer into all these little problems. Worst thing is, you count ALL these problems then you end up crying more because you realize how fucked up your life is. At the moment. I know it will get better. Yeah, when I hear that on my darkest days/weeks/months, I think, yeah right, like hell it is. But trust me hun, it will. I have tried suicide 12 times, suffocating myself with a pillow, cutting down my arms, holding my breath for long amounts of time, I've even tried drowning myself. But I didn't fail, no, I didn't go through with it, I would release air at the last minute. I would rise above the surface just before my lungs were full. I would stop cutting half way. Because, I think that no matter how hard life gets, it's just those little things that make it all cool again. As I say: Keep your head held high & your middle finger higher <3
Emo Pictures - nikkiwest
nikkiwest
Posts: 2440
Sep 04 2011, 10:56 AM
awhh I'm here for you(:
Emo Pictures - xXeMoRaCeRXx
xXeMoRaCeRXx
Posts: 18262
Sep 04 2011, 01:11 PM
*hugs*
RiRi-Rawwwrr
Posts: 2153
Sep 05 2011, 02:10 AM
*hugs* we're all here for you !!

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