Emo Scene Community

I know that bitching out about my life problems won't solve anything and that i'm wasting time, but I need to let these feellings so i'm gonna write my story. Ever since i was 4 my goal has been becoming a researcher, i wanted to become a scientist and help the world or learn about a lot of things. I didn't care about anyone and i shut my heart to the world with only very few friends which i hated most of the time, but I wasn'thappy , i hated myself for being lonely , i started starving and isolating myself, focusing only on studying and sports ,as i wanated to be the best. at 20 years i realized that university was harder than i thought and i felt so stressed, but then i found a very important friend , and i started kissing,firsti bitched,then having my first girlfriend my heart used to beat fast when i was with the people i used to care about ( back in those days i even used to dress all scene, i loved being noticed and doing crazy things tocompensatefor the wasted years). now i'm 24...i wasted 2 years of university and i'm more than half away from graduating, but more importantly i don't feel the wish anymore... my family is poor and must do sacrifices to pay for the taxes (altought i give most of my money earned from occasional work to them), i don't feel love anymore as i started losing friends who stabbed me and changing gf every week ...now i've made two girls who i consider my friends fell in love with me and i feel like i can't love anyone, butineed someone even if I hurt everyone.... i don't know what to do with my life...i don't know how to survive in this place which I hate and in wich i have to pick daily fights for how i look i don't have a job and i hurt people i care for all the time,and that i need to rely on ...i stopped having dreams I feel confused weak and powerless...and more than anything i wish i could live solely on my own feet but i'm dragged down in a cycle of uselessnes