Emo Scene Community

My lowest point, i was 16... just finishing school! Come out my exams... to find the police waiting, They told my they have to take me to the hospital.. as dad's in a serious way... When we got there... he had wires all over him tubes everywhere was a scary thing to see at 16. Time went by.. i was watching through the windows with mum and my sisters.. still had no clue why he was how he was, Next think i know i heard bleeping.. nurses, Doctors rushing they was trying to restart his heart. at this point i began to cry shouting "dad" the nurses moved us.. to a private room... few hours passed! felt like a day i was crying the whole time.. i said to mum "is he going to make this? will he live? why is this happening?" she replied "son.. please don't worry" i stormed off to go and find him to find wasn't there but i need a porter with a bed and a body bag over it.. by this point... i hit the ground saying "dad noooooooo please noo" Turns out the bag wasn't for my dad but i still was wrecked the doctor took me back to my mum... sat us all down.. "your dad/husband has been transferred to the john Radcliffe he will be with them within the next 3 minutes.. we can't treat him here.. he needs the advance care of the heart hospital this decision wasn't taken lightly we are sorry he stands best chances there however his hearts very very weak and might no make the flight to them. but we will try" We all went to oxford time we got there is was midnight he was having the op.. we had 14 hours of waiting.. i had no sleep since 7am the day before,, ui was worried scare emotional wrecked.. didn't now what to think as the time past i realized this could be the last time i see my dad.. that's a wrecking thought! i cried and cried.. but eventually fell asleep! When i woke up the doctors was in the room.. and said. Your father has one option left.. we need to stent the heart.. but there is 70% this could kill him.. mum agreeed to go ahead...." he came round! i have to say! the had me emotionally, mentally psyically wrecked.. i'd never with this on anyone love you dad!

*hugs* thanks for sharing that moving experience.

My lowest point? Probably when I was dangling from a tree branch. It was in January. Everything was a mess. I didn't see a future, I just saw darkness. I felt hopeless and afraid and unable to cope. So I took some shoe laces, scrawled a shitty goodbye note, listened to a lullabye and crouched beneath a low tree branch with a lace tied around my neck. And I think I knew even at that point that I didn't want to die, but I'm stubborn and dramatic and I was adament that death was the best option for me. After a short while, my vision started to darken and I sort of flopped forward onto my knees with my arms just dangling limply by my sides instead flailing around like they were before. I'd knew that within seconds I drift unconscious forever and I felt relieved- and then daunted. Really daunted. And before I could even think about what I was doing, I was getting back up onto my feet again. Long story short, I went into school where my friend found me. She realised I had cut myself. The school sent me home, where I didn't want to go, so I went back to the tree, hoping I could continue where I'd left off- but couldn't. I stayed there for a while, but when the cold finally got to me I stumbled on home... Where the police were waiting. And they weren't impressed. Apparently, they had police dogs and even a helicopter out searching for me. I told them about trying to hang myself, since things had escalated so much, I thought I might as well. My dad insisted on taking me to hospital, but then changed his mind. The police told me I had to go to my next CAMHS appointment and left it at that. The school put me on sick leave until June. Months on, I'm not currently having any psychiatric treatment but I'm making progress. When I went back in June for the final few weeks of the school year I worked harder than I've ever worked at anything. They're happy to have me back to redo Year 13. I haven't self-harmed since January. And suicide is considerably less on my mind. What brought about this change? I didn't want to miss out, I suppose. Deep down inside I'm just about as life-loving as everyone else. Sorry if that was a little intense. I've been wanting to get that off my chest for some time!

^Thanks for sharing that and great to see things have improved!

I used to think it was when I majorly self harming, lost in my own depression. But now I see it is now. I'm so low I've gone past the point of erratic emotion. I'm just becoming dead inside. Not self harming, not as if anyone would understand or care if they saw anyway. Not speaking about it, yet again nobody cares. I don't care about myself anymore, I don't care how I look, how people see me, what I wear, I'll just wear whats cheap and available. That's when you know you're truly lost. Not when everyone else gives up on you, but when you give up on yourself. What is there to say to console me? It'll get better, sure but not forever. I'm there for you? But you're not. Who even is without getting something in return? I am the backbone of others, their strength when they need a friend. But with nobody there for me to lean on I'm just becoming a minor part of the lives of others with nothing to say that I have achieved and still believe in.

a few days ago i would have said it was july 20th and 21st , i was realy depressed my family had been displaced by a huge fire (our house is fine) i hadent slept in 2 days and it was 2 am . the best friend i ever had hadnt talked to me in close to 3 months (just as an idea of how mush i love this friend if i had to chose to save my family from death or save keegen from death id save keegan he made my life so much better just seeing a pic of him makes my day better untill i remember hes not talking to me then i have another reason so curl up and die) the point is at 2 am i finaly got him to text me back and then i got him made again , so i walked 80 miles to go talk to him in person to try and save the friendship. that day after i saw him he texted me then he stoped again.i felt like shit i stood on a train trellis for 2 hours debating weather to jump or to lay on the tracks and wait , i lost all sence of purpuse eventualy i decided to go home because my mom needs me. for a while i managed to be numb and pertend i was happy (yay actress -_-) but now its realy staring to hurt my heart , the actualy physical organ hurts more then ever before and every moment of silence is filled with my mind screaming horible things at me reason after reason keegen wouldnt wana talk to me reason after reason why the world would be better with out me .... but today i stooped lower then ever before i want sssssooooo much to be wanted that i baisicly threw my self at a guy i dated a year ago (who tryed to use me for sex) i didnt care what he'd do honestly just to have some one any one hold me and let me pertend i was loved for a few minutes, and he rejected me , im loosing the will to live i cant even bring my self to eat its not like an eating dissorder i just find no need to keep myself healthy anymore ...idk why i even wrote this its not like any strangers will care but i put in efort so i guess im gana post it

The lowest was may 2009, i was in the deepest depths of depression and made the most serious ( so far) attempt in my life. i did technically die, i was resuscitated. since then i tried to rebuild my life. back then i wasnt working because of the bipolar but i now have a (part time) job, so am trying to rebuild my life

Honestly, lowest point for me is either right now or before joining this site, im not entirely Sure. And yeah sorry for necroing this post i just thought it a good place to blow off steam and give people another good reason to laugh and hate me. I suggest you all scroll down to the very bottom and read that rather then then the whole post, it's just a pathetic rant anyway. To sum it up, i haven't ever cared about the way i looked, always throw on whatever's available and ignore my hair completely. I've always considered my self repulsive in most ways, especially my appearance. The only real contact i get with other humans is going to gp appointments because of my Anxiety issues and when i lose my mind and call an ambulance. Ive never self harmed or had any bad experiences in my life. I simply hate myself in every way, i dont hate my life, i dont hate the way people treat me. And most of the time i feel hollow, emotionless/robotic and dead. Its at a point now where i was even afraid to talk to people on the internet anonymously because i feared theyd hate me. I basically have done nothing in my life, never shared any experiences or lived at all. Last time i went out socially was when i was 9. Ive never been in a relationship and i never expect to, im well too cowardly to ask anyone and i know im not worthy of one. I used to get alot of suicidal thoughts but they slowly drifted away when i realized i didnt have the guts to kill myself. And ive never been man enough to dress the way i wish and have my hair the way i wanf. I used to be quite emotional up to around the age of 14 although i was always too afraid to display any. Most people thought inwas on drugs or overly relaxed. Then when the anxiety started all my emotions up and left. Im afraid of going in public and i avoid it at all costs, i dont like it when people look upon me and i find it hard to talk to people. I havent really been outside that much in around 3 years or whenever i dropped out of school. I know i am useless and i dont contribute to life in any way, and i know i dont have any real problems i just bitch like i do which is another reason i hate myself. Most of my waking hours are spent trapped in my mind. Ill be playing a video game ive beaten 10 times and just casually play it without even realizimg because im too busy with my thoughts of all my disappointments and shortcomings and all my dreams im foo pathetic and lazy to reach and all the weird creepy shit i fantasize about because im retarded. My whole life is a cop out and a joke and im embarrased by every waking second of it. And before joining this site everyday id have a severe anxiety attack, Severe chest pains, inability to breathe, no feeling in my arms and legs, tight throat that feels filled with flem, dizziness and bad headaches, extreme pain in lower abdomen especially around stomach, otherwordly feeling like im not really there. I still cant get food down properly and its a struggle to drink a glass of water. I dont know if i have depression snd im not going to self diagnose which is a bad havit that comes along with my Generalized anxiety disorder.(chronic health nut) The reason why i find this site may have made it worse is because here i see people with real problems who deal with real situations and stand up proud and strong and socialize and enjoy life, whereas here i am. In my room day after day widdling away like the inferior being i am, too cowardly and pathetic to do something about it and try to improve my situation. I probably have more garbage to write but this whole piece of text is laughable already. I have no real problems i deal with nothing, i simply exist, i am the most disgusting form of being there is, someone who sits back and does nothing for no good reason. If you read the whole post and dont want your 5 minutes back then id say youve earnt a free car, although i dont have the money to buy you one. Also forgive my typing errors and such im not on a computer at the moment.

i'm impressed you wrote that much on a mobile..or pad...either way