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I'd push you away but you are the only thing I know. Not a Single Word About This, by Alesana

Emo Forums » Emo Poetry (Reply)

Emo Pictures - SinSin
SinSin
Posts: 12
Empty Aug 11 2014, 02:16 PM
Can you hold me? Hold me like you used to When you loved me. Like you told me, Think of all we've been through, Please just kiss me. I want to hear your heart beat fast, When I hold you close to me, But it's clear your love for me has passed, Yet I feign I cannot see. Oh say you love me, Stop and hold me, Take me back to the start. Please just want me, Please just fix me But it's empty in this heart...

Replies

Emo Pictures - MaximusStephonovich
MaximusStephonovich
Posts: 212
Aug 13 2014, 06:40 AM
So...don't take this the wrong way, but what the hell of a poem is that? I see no aa bb cc structure, I sometimes see aba and then abab, then you have it aab aab...I don't really know how you can write a poem like that. Ether I don't know something, or your structure is skewed. Other than that, great topic.
Emo Pictures - EyeWings
EyeWings
Posts: 287
Aug 13 2014, 07:07 PM
Maximus, this place doesnt have to conform to traditional structure its not out to impress, its out to share a thought or feeling, and its being expressed in a natural way as the writer felt at the time. How many thoughts in your mind, or feelings conform to poetic structure? Its simply how you are feeling at the time however disjointed, sometimes that can be more articulate than structured work. If the writer was entering it as a piece of work, they may think more about stanzas and so on, but on a forum like this it is brave and helpful that people can just express how they are feeling.
Emo Pictures - Kate
Kate
Posts: 4199
Aug 14 2014, 02:55 PM
^ well said liz ! Nice work SinSin keep it up :)
Emo Pictures - MaximusStephonovich
MaximusStephonovich
Posts: 212
Nov 08 2015, 06:13 PM
Like I stated, don't take it the wrong way, sure you can express yourself how you want to, however, it is like me calling your comment a poem, after all, you did just express yourself and your emotions to what I said. I fined that ridiculous. We need to define what poem is if that is the case, because a bunch of emotions in a sentence is not a poem. Might as well write a letter and call it a poem. To which it is not. However, I read this poem again, and I now can see the poetic structure, I am not used to reading poems like those. It does have a rhythm to it.
Emo Pictures - emojoeydrums
emojoeydrums
Posts: 20
Jan 14 2016, 03:10 PM
MaximusStephonovich, it doesnt have to have a rhyming pattern for it to be poetry... this does have a pattern but its not aa bb c... my poetry often doesnt have a rhyme scheme... go back to high school english 2 and 3... its basic poetry knowledge...
Emo Pictures - emojoeydrums
emojoeydrums
Posts: 20
Jan 14 2016, 03:12 PM
poetry isnt written to impress or rhyme... its written to express a feeling thought or belief... and in this poem thats exactly what their doing... SinSin you have an amazing talent keep writing...
May 18 2016, 07:46 AM
Maximus, I get where you're coming from, and I agree to some extent, but there are some excellent pairings in SinSin's poem that show promise and an aptitude for writing, so let's not get too caught up in those details for now. Writing should always and first be about honesty. SinSin, keep it up! The first two stanzas were quite structured and had a clear thought. Nice!
Emo Pictures - MaximusStephonovich
MaximusStephonovich
Posts: 212
Jun 24 2016, 07:44 AM
Yeah, alright emojoeydrums, sounds like you are insulting me. Let us not lose the sight of the subject matter. My point stands, basic English or not, I am not arguing weather this is a poem, I am arguing weather it is a good poem. But now that I read it again, it seems more like lyrics.
Emo Pictures - slippingsanity
slippingsanity
Posts: 86
Sep 28 2016, 05:22 AM
aren't lyrics just poems in different format? that being said, my poems often don't rhyme and i actually wish to get some music behind them to make them be lyrics but this is great. i understand the feeling, as much as im trying not to
HaiseSasaki
Posts: 10
Oct 13 2016, 05:59 PM
Well, I rode the first commment (not the others) and I just had to comment your poem. I felt that feeling. I felt that emptiness. And that's important, so I think that's a great poem. Poetry's that, poetry's not always a structured thing, I mean, poetry's just a magic way of expressing what's in your heart, poetry's art, and art is free. What you did is art.

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