Emo Scene Community

I am only 19 years old but have experienced a few bad experiences when it comes down to LOVE, It's not just based around my own LOVE life but those of my family which has slowly made me ANTIE - LOVE for example my mother was the type to have several men on the go but had her "main" LOVER living at our current adress, it was horrible to see men walking I and out of the house heating her... I can't go on,but she even dragged me over to thease guys houses as I sat and wait, her main lover was non the wiser but I didn't feel sorry for him as now he's been charged with rape the sick rape of me. My siblings brother and sister were no better as they were shaking up with anyone or everyone and even in a relationship they would cheat... so as you can gather my up bringing with LOVE well their wasn't any... but moveing on with my own experience, I first had my girl on girl LOVER at a young age I knew of girl on girl as I witnessed my sister with another girl, this was my first sereous LOVE but word got out and her mum moved her away to get her away from me, I didn't get into a sereous guy relationship till I was 15 this guy I can honestly say even after 5 years I LOVED him, but without me relishing he was emotionally messing my mind up, he had a way to make me feel so low so I would cling to him, to him if he wasn't my world then he would be nothing to me which scared me, he was also a possessive liar which I put up with but again this hurt, it wasn't until I fell pregnant he chose to just throw me away, which lead to me breaking down and being sectioned... After him I got into a couple of other relationships but I noticed I got a lot more paranoid with the 1st after him I got scared that my partner that lived an hour train ride away would much rather be on cam "talking" to someone who's a 10 min walk away, my second after my first I turnt into my family but was going through a rough patch of drinking so during this time I had a close circle of friends that I was sleeping around with this was when my mind changed again on how I think women and even men are seen in today's world... but then my next sereous relationship came along I was 18 things were going well I was in LOVE again I was sorted and no longer had an issue with alcohol,he made me happy, so I thought, but he was very much like the first, but with a secret he had a porn addiction I only fount this out when I lived with him only because on a couple occasions it was exposed to my 2 going on 3 year old son that's where I said to him ill leave but I want you to get help... I went back in 5 months time him saying he got he help he needed I was happy again, we vegan planing our future we even discussed a kid together and went through with it but then one day my son was on YouTube on his phone but had clicked off and next thing all I'm hearing my son say is boonies Ives looked over and that's when I saw the dirt that came up I was shattered, he lied and I beleave he got help his history on his phone was revolting, I was 10 weeks into my second pregnancy and yet again another failed relationship.. I had recently tryed another relationship a guy I like for just over 6 years but I couldn't accept one side of him and that was his photography especially when it came down to the nudes it makes me think that it's an art for pervs like my ex I can't see why a girl would put herself through what I think is a shameful thing maybe I'm old fashion but your body is only for your LOVER not the world, he was also an obsessive gamer which was difficult as I do like family time as that's what I am when you get with me you accept me and my 2 sons, so I decided to cut the relationship off to keep our close friendship because I would never ask someone to change as I would hope no one would ask me to. so getting to the point now I have cleared up briefly my past with LOVE, but with me being so closed minded now I can't see me being with another without feeling insecure so I feel LOVE isn't for me,but could it be that LOVE isn't for everyone? Is it possible for someone to be UNLOVEABLE because I feel I am because I can't see anyone thinking the way I do about life