Here you are down on your knees again
trying to find air to breathe again
And only surrender will help you now
I love you please see and believe again Again, by Flyleaf
likes: Snowboarding, Rockstar games, Playstation games, Laplanders, Pikachu, buttons, Spyro the dragon, nice people, Energy drinks, sleeping, dreaming, anime, stuffed animals, Art, thrift stores, pea coats, asian food, fiction writing, illustration, vampires, blogging, vlogs, Youtube, poetry.
Hates: Stupidity, chavs, gaining weight, teeny fans, perverts, waking up early, being forced to learn something I'm not interested in, hateclubs for a certain band/group, racism
Elliot Smith, Avenged Sevenfold, Killswitch Engage, Bob Marley. Hawthorne Heights, Three Days Grace, Vampire Weekend, Greeley Estates, Daughtry, Nirvana, Bullet For My Valentine, Asking Alexandria, ACDC, Iron Maiden, Taking Back Sunday, Falling In Reverse, Lamb Of God, The All-American Rejects, Muse, Decemberists, Bright Eyes, Ryan Adams, Duke Ellington, Bless The Fall, Tyler The Creator, Sunny Day Real Estate, Fugazi, Vampires Everywhere, Oceans Ate Alaska, I See Stars, Bon Iver, The Pixies, Slipknot, 30 Seconds To Mars, Chelsea Grin, Buffalo Season, I The Deceiver, Silverstein, Rammstein, Greenday, My Chemical Romance, Dashboard Confessional, Yellowcard, Thursday, New Found Glory, Alesana, Blue October, Alkaline Trio, KISS, Hoobastank, Gallows, All Time Low, Kayden, Fall Out Boy, Radiohead, Impending Doom, Stick To Your Guns, Arctic Monkeys, Bridges, Maroon 5, Landon Pigg, Arcade Fire, Conor Oberst, Motionless In White, Ozzy Osbourne, The Jealous Sound, Neil Perry, The Cure, Evergreen Terrace, Senses Fail, Crush 40, Through The Eyes Of The Dead, The Get Up Kids, Stewart Copeland, Breathe Carolina, Emery, My Children My Bride, Slayer, The Ataris, Therefore Tomorrow, Story Of The Year, Mike V And The Rats, Motley Crue, Twelve Hour Turn, All Time Low, Hoobastank, Death Cab For Cutie, Evanescence, Mayday Parade, Bon Iver, New Politics, Hadouken!, Saosin, Alexisonfire, 36 Crazy Fists, AFI, Aiden, Farooq, Finch, Circle Takes The Square, Ozzy Osbourne, Story Of The Year, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Every Avenue, Bring Me The Horizon, Avion Roe.
Too depressed to write stories anymore, that's not good. Maybe I need to go to a therapist before it gets worse. And one day, something very bad will happen to me or others, I can feel it. Those instincts of apathy.
I know i'm not the only one that has problems, but that doesn't mean that's going to automatically make someone happy. Tell the people in Africa that, tell someone who's dying or has some disease. Tell them hey, you deserve it better than I do, and you're exactly right. Wouldn't the whole world be a better place if we had people who would actually give their life for others? No, the world just doesn't work that way. I'm stuck, ranting, ranting, crying, destroying the badness inside of me by just expressing because I'm holding onto that little pint of care. Because without it, I think I would be dead.
What have done now, what do I deserve in this life, besides shelter and food? What else is there fore me? If I am only living for that, and being miserable is the majority of living then I don't want to be. I've cut and watched myself bleed away, draining all of the sorrow out of me. I've never had a good scream because my family would hate me for it. I just want to get these screams out of my head. This little aching in my head is from the constant frowns that I can't relinquish.
I'm crowded suffocating, being pushed around and having no respect at all. No one has respect for me. Only the people who barely know me do, not my own family, not my friends.
I've looked at my suicide letter that I've written in high school. That whole essay is just 56% of the reason why I want to kill myself. What else can I do? I'm bored of this life quickly. No more art, stories, poetry, friends, learning, activities. All of my favorite things to do. Everything is starting to decay like dead bodies. There's nothing making me happy now.
I'm 18, I have much to look forward to, you might say. No, not for most people. The children who lost their lives by an angry man in connecticut didn't have a choice whether to stay alive or die.
Or the people who were massacred in the theater by another crazy man while watching batman.
Or the people who got cancer and is slowly dying each day while everyone else is complaining about theirs.
Go change for the better? I have, for so long. My family, not my whole, but my older sister, mom and nephew don't want me to have anything. They can't even teach me to drive. I have to beg for money, beg for just a little help. No, I'm on my own. I'm sent out to the wolves.
Their response is I didn't have that at your age, you shouldn't have it either.
So, I am bitter, growing angry and I might just take it out on myself because I refuse to be those people who took other people's lives just because of that second of anger, and then killing themselves in regret.
Suicide is not a selfish thing, nor is it unnecessary. if you have a good reason then you should. but i don't encourage it for everyone. If you were suffering, mentally, physically and emotionally, what else can you do but look at the world like this is the worst place to live in? People would watch you die then carry on with their affairs.
Stories have happened where there has been a lot of killings, and I really do think the world's going to end. It's because many of the massacres in America is getting far out of hand, and I really want to say that this would be the end of the world, not some natural disaster.
Finals suck! They have me stressing out far too much, and I really hate to study when I have to, when I don't feel like it and when I am very ill.
I don't want to live with my family anymore, and I would like to have a dorm. Because I think I would have more freedom, apparently I can't because I'm not financially able to at this point, but I hope I live somewhere soon.
WTF. Why can't I find a decent guy that will love me just as much as I'll love him for the right reasons. It's been like this forever. A guy would like me and say that they love me, complimenting me from head to toe and then second they ask for is sex. I don't like being tricked, and also I can't stand when their first question to me is "would you let me do this..." I don't understand it. I REALLY DON'T. It pisses me off. When I went on first dates to get to know someone, all of them violated me by touching my restricted areas. And it's like... am I some kind of pick-up girl to you? Maybe I'm just too nice for my own good, and kindly telling guys to not go there isn't enough. Maybe it's time to start slapping the shit out of these disrespectful boys.
Does it spike you that you have that crust of crimson glistening in your left eye?
That repetition that is so detailed in your mind that you can paint out vivid pictures,
So clearly and delicately that you can also hear what is seen.
The moon that creaks as it tilts, to turn it's back at you,
Ashamed of you, what you've become.
Words that spill from your mouth like a rainbow waterfall.
How can people start taking you seriously when all you've done is sketched your presence,
And admire your presence in the most vain way,
That the stereotypical lessons you've learned aren't you,
Then soon you'll realize....
You'll realize everything you worked hard for wouldn't matter.
And the ghosts of your town look at you in shame for you not being who you really are.
For they have crowned their deaths because of their honesty of acceptance they had.
Be yourself, understand who you are and soon others will see the true colors in your eyes.
The faith and courage that weighs on top of you like golden bricks.
Difference is what makes a person unique, however don't let it discreet yourself from your individuality.
I fancy the minutes and even the world, but those won't matter without your presence.
Time doesn't mean a single thing, it only flies past me,
Like bats in a molten ancient cave.
As I take a sip of coffee, I watch the minute-hand tick away,
Ticks and tocks, and I slowly close my eyes and dream.
My mind syncing to the smooth, cold breeze of anti-reality.
Picturing your face, with a warm curve of a smile.
I sit and wait for the deadlines that lay a constant.
But I'll still have these sleepless nights.
If time could end, before it expires I would take every second in advantage.
And make sure everything is all worth it until the end.
If I am not bothered by the distractions around me,
I would describe you, with plenty of beautiful words that put you in charm.
You're charming, and delightful.
Your brilliance is well recognized and I fancy your words of honesty.
So if this day is not the day we meet at last,
I shall wait until you return.
Every early morning, I take the time of my life off to hear what the world has to say.
I stop everything, forgetting my online conversations and music of beethoven, and I take a listen to the orchestra of the world.
I hear the wind, slowly colliding against the house I live in,
rustling against the hard walls, the sound bouncing off and into the trees,
Sounds dancing, and I breathe in, as I sit on the old wooden bench and watch the sky.
The dark sky has never been so peacefully as this. The astronomic landscapes of the solar system is far beyond our reach, and I prefer it that way.
For the world above our heads is so mysterious and hard to understand, I know for a face there's something there quite extraordinary.
The sky starts to form into clusters of balls of explosion, creating mushrooms, fireworks, or white and tint blue.
They dance along the sky like music on a music sheet.
Body tensed like frozen water,
Ice that feels like it's already broken.
Cracked, day by day,
With a sickness in my chest,
Beneath the beating heart that's no longer worth to stress.
Ripped, soul by soul, with every inch of integrity shattered.
I must not prevail, I must not abdicate where I stand.
The eyes of a grown man's soul that refuse to shed tears,
from the tomfoolery he possesses and desires to express.
For days of rotten stomach aches,
and swollen puffy eyes.
I'll never reach my hand out in nakedness again.
I would like to share my poetry with you all, but I doubt you all will pay attention to it, because to most people, poetry isn't really to talk about really. I love poetry. It's my favorite thing to do. When I write, I can't help but to express my feelings in depth.
But if you want me to share my poetry, I don't mind sharing it.
