Apr 06 2012, 08:53 PM

So I did a whole lot of thinking today, and in that thinking, I thought about many things. Particularly, today's society and my generation. I have come to the realization that to "fit in" or to be one of the "cool Kids", you have to either drink, smoke, or do drugs, or at least know where to obtain one (if not all) of those things. Now me, I have never done any of those, nor do I want to do any of those, and using the "teenager logic" I am now aware of, I have never, and will never, be well liked. But you know what? I think that life sucks and this might have a big part in why. My main point here is, Fuck Life. I no longer wish to live on this planet anymore. Thank You, and Goodnight.

Apr 02 2012, 09:52 PM

Alright, I said today that I was going to discuss the topic of my pretty pathetic love life, and I am usually a man of my word, so let us begin. Okay, so for about the past 6 months or so, I have been obsessed with a girl with whom I attend school. When I first met her, I wasn't exactly single. I was in a struggling relationship with a girl I was quickly losing interest in. Me meeting this girl, had kind of a large part in the splitting of my 7-month relationship. So that ended in a pretty bad way, but I was able to ask this girl to homecoming. She said yes, then later asked if I meant as just friends, or as like a date date. Me, (being the idiot I am) said that going as just friends would be fine. So we go, don't dance, and just talk for about 3 hours. In this I learned that she just got out of a 3 year relationship and that is why she wanted to go as friends. This is the part I start feeling like a huge douche bag. Next instance, I get a letter from my friend who was (at the time) in a mental hospital in Berkley. The letter said a bunch of crap about what goes on in the hospital and such, and then she revealed the fact that she had feelings for me. Me, being the gigantic dumbass I am, write her back telling her I like her. Kind of another big mistake. Mainly because I felt like I ruined every chance in Hell that I had ever built up with the other girl, and jumped into the relationship too fast. Eventually, I had ruined another relationship just because of one girl. It ended in a mess, and it sucked for everyone. Time went on, and that brings us to pretty recently. I had been texting this girl pretty much every day, for about a month. She knows I like her, I had confessed it in a Facebook message a few weeks prior. She said that she "was in the beginning of a new relationship" and "just wanted to be friends". And with me, who really hates looking like a douche, backed off. I was still mentally obsessing over her, like a dumbass. So in talking to her the other day, I bring up the subject about how I wish I had never told her I liked her. I felt stupid knowing it was out there. She acknowledged that the reason she wouldn't date me is because she still "wasn't over her ex". Now, this isn't the first time I have heard this. It usually means either, "Fuck you. Why on earth are you interacting with me in the first place." or "Umm... I might never get over this and leave you waiting if you're stupid enough to wait." So now, I have decided that I am over this situation and this girl. I really need to move on. I have spent too much time on this. I'd like to meet someone that either lives in the same city or someone who I could at least ride BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit) to go see. This I am hoping to accomplish sooner rather than later. I just need to get out of the house more often I guess. Thank You for reading, Have a Wonderful day Jeremy

Apr 01 2012, 09:34 PM

I think I kind of want to start posting in this thing. I don't know though. For one, I doubt anyone would read it. Two, I doubt anyone will care. I'm just kind of lacking my will to live at the moment. Not like I'm going to kill myself or anything, but I'm just having a bad time and an even worse outlook on life. Sometimes I think I need help. Other times, I think i just need somebody to love, and like some people I know, I can't just do a long distance/internet relationship. I've done it before and it never ends well. At least in my opinion. I don't want this journal thing to be an over-dramatic couple of paragraphs. I've seen some where all it is, is just "Oh Woe Is Me!!! I have such a terrible life!!!" Cause I'll admit, I have a pretty good life by most standards. I'm not impoverished, my parents don't beat me or abuse me in any way, I have friends (albeit not many, but they're there), and I live pretty comfortably. My only real dilemmas are that I'm depressed because: 1) I'm lonely 2) All the people around me are falling away into bad habits (drinking, drugs, etc.) and 3) I'm a broke teenager who just wants somebody to love. That's all I've got at the moment. I just needed to spill my heart there for a few minutes. If you have made it this far, Thank You. And if you've made it this far and Give a damn about anything that I have said, then Good On You. This might be a regular thing so... Next time.... I want the one I can't have (Pretty much the story about how love has played out for me and why I have lost it to this day. Thank you, And Good Night, Sincerely, Jeremy.