Apr 22 2013, 09:33 PM

Well, I got my soul mate back. The person I love, and would die for. The person who I've loved longer than anyone else. He's seen my bad side, my good side, and everything in between. He's been there from my worse break up, to the days I was most depressed. He turned it all around and saved me from myself. I'm happy, I'm honestly happy. I see a future with him, he's the only one I want. I just can't help, but feel I'm not what he wants, that I'm not good enough for him. I feel he doesn't accept me or who I am, the way I appear, and what I really take to heart. He constantly, suggest ways to look, and constantly suggest that I be a scene girl. He always points out a way that I could be better, and how I could look better. The thing is, I told him no. That I won't change, I won't become a scene girl. The funny thing is, his ex-girlfriend before I even knew they ever dated between me and him. She even said I'd make a pretty scene girl. The thing is, when I try to be something he approves of, or something he wants, when I try to be the girlfriend he wants. He calls me a poser, he calls me fake, everything like that. I love him, and I would change for him, just not with something I'm done with. What my thought was, why he was trying to change me. Was because, his ex-girlfriend, who was my ex-girlfriend. Was scene, and his other girlfriend was scene, all his other girlfriends were scene. I'm the only one that isn't, so I feel like. He's trying to change me into one of his ex's. I know he might still have feelings for the girl he first fell in love with. I feel like he's trying to recap an old relationship with an ex-girlfriend. The thing is, I asked him. Why he wanted me to be a scene girl so much. He said "I'm not answering that." I said fine, to just end it. Then he gives an attitude with it. That was a short argument, and I know I should just look past it, but it's been eating at me, tearing me apart, and getting to me. This was just last night, I want to bring it up. Cause you're suppose to be honest in a relationship. I wanna be honest with him about how I feel when he ask why I'm upset. I just fear another argument again...I honestly don't know what to do..I feel like I'm speaking out of line, and that he'll just get mad..

Apr 05 2013, 09:27 AM

I feel that my life is slipping away, that everything is shattering. I'm always so tired, and so drained of energy. It's not even funny. I barely get any sleep, which makes my depression worse. I wake up in the morning, and I instantly get depressed. I don't want to face the day, and I know I can't. It takes everything I have to get up, get dressed, and be around everyone. I put on a fake smile so no one knows that I'm depressed, and I fool myself because of it. Each day get's harder, and harder to go on, and each day. I get a little more depressed, and just want to break down and cry. I want to quit, and just say fuck everyone. I hate seeing people, I hate hearing people, I hate them being in my presence, I hate when they talk to me. I'm tried of getting hurt by people, by them back stabbing me, and when the people I hate think me and them are cool and try acting like my friends I want to snap and go crazy. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get locked up for missing so much school because of depression, I have so much stress on me, and I can't stand it. I want to sit in my room alone, on my computer, listening to music, watching t.v., in the dark, being alone, and not being bothered by anyone. I have so much on my mind, and I make too much time to think, and when I think. One thought leads to another, and I get sad and want to cry, and I honestly don't know why I'm depressed. Life? Love? Hate? Friends? Family? Myself...I don't know, and I just want life to end so badly. I should be the happiest person every, but I'm not. My grades are slipping, I'm losing people, I'm being betrayed, I'm being hurt by everyone I care for, and I just don't know anymore. I want it all to end...