Soon as you got me, you go and drop me.It's cruel when you burn me,I love how you hurt me. Oh no, I'll never let you go. Oh no, I hate that I need you so. Attention, by Tokio Hotel
Alexaurus :]
27 / Male / Burlington, Iowa, United States
Straight / Single
Member since:
Apr 30, 2014
Last online:
May 29, 2017
Current rating: No rating yet/10 (0 votes cast)
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About Me
Upcoming actor, right here! :D im a drummer in an emo band ( separating soon D: ) I also sing and play guitar. im a songwriter and im Socially awkward ._. Like, REALLY awkward.. Unless you get to know me, then im just really random :3 I love fun conversations, getting to know people, and having deep conversations. Sweet texts! :3 im a softy, im pretty built up, but im a softy xD Wanna know more? Message me or add me! :D or why not both? :)
Favourite Music
I love listening to Green Day, Five Finger Death Punch, A Day To Remember, Avenged Sevenfold, All American Rejects, SHINEDOWN!... (I love Shinedown :P) Linkin Park, Disturbed, Trapt, 3 Days Grace, 3 Doors Down, Avion Roe, Evanescence, Angels and Airwaves, Boys like Girls, Good Charlotte, Fall Out Boy, any Emo music and any 80s. Hard Rock, and some pop (not much though)
Favourite Films / TV / Books
MARVEL (Imma nerd :P )Toy Story, Divergent, Harry Potter, Wreck-it Ralph, Big Hero 6, Transformers, Avengers (+each one), Frozen, Despicable Me, Big Bang Theory, and mostly just Disney stuff :) Also some anime! Bleach (haven't seen in forever though) Angel Beats, Naruto, and I really REALLY want to watch Attack on Titan! :) I never really read anything since I was forced to during my free time just to have a good English grade.
Education / Occupation
Drummer (the name kinda says that) :P life guard (saving the day, all day) acting/directing (I do both) and I build stuffs :3
Who I'd Like To Meet
Anyone and Everyone! :D I love meeting Internet friends in real life. Nothing can ever take away those special moments.
One of those nights... It's impossible to connect with anyone anymore it seems :/ opening up to someone is one thing but actually connecting is another story. Then suddenly you get to talk and play with friends you haven't talked to in a LONG time, but before you get to do anything, your father calls your phone and has a long talk pretty much saying no to your future and that he has no faith in you or what you wanna do, and as soon as you get back, you realize those missing friends go back to how they were... Missing but fine without you... Excuse me while I fall apart alone... Again.. Please don't give up on me like everyone else...
I feel like it's so awkward for me to have feelings. It feels like it makes me not human just because it's ME that has feelings.. People here are always asking for help or a friend and I'll be there for them until they're okay. But what happens when they're finally okay? Oh right. I vanish off the face of the earth. People ask so much out of others and the only thing I ask for is someone to be there for me when I need them. But I guess that's just asking too much... Sometimes it feels like I should just vanish off the face of the earth. I'm almost never okay, and I can't seem to open up to anyone or say how I feel without them thinking it's not important or because I have feelings so I'm weird. I'm trying so hard to keep myself okay but it doesn't work that well. I'm losing everything I look forward to as if I have much left to lose.
I feel that sliver of hope is fading. This girl, I got to to Skype with her and actually see her over video chat. She's beyond gorgeous and just as sweet. I got along with her parents fine the first day (I think), I just hope they don't get annoyed with me talking to her so much. She's the last thing I've really got left to look forward to. I really hope I get to see her, because her parents are beginning to change their minds :/ she's so sweet and I'd only ask a week with her just to get to hang out and know her better. She told me she really wanted to go to Six Flags and Springfield, and I'd love to take her with me! It'd be so much fun! Then the days we'd spend at home we could just talk, sing, or watch movies together :) And I really want to hear her sing :3 she doubts herself but she's got a lovely voice so I bet her singing will be just as so. I just fear I'll bore her to death, or we'll talk so much she'll lose interest in me. I try not to let her see it, my anxiety kicks in every time I think about talking to her as much as I do. I guess it just depends on how she feels about me too. She's so shy and quiet and I'm a blabber mouth. That's the exact reason my last girlfriend broke up with me because she lost interest in me because we talked so much. Can you see why the anxiety happens? :/ I don't think I could bear to have the same fate happen twice...
I see I make plenty of entries. Oh well, I won't lie they do help, even if no one reads them, it's good to put all my bad feelings aside like this. Plus lately, I've found myself to be pretty happy. One friend in particular has been super nice to me and is even coming to visit me all the way from Wisconsin! How amazing is that? :D even crazier, I met her on here :) it's crazy how far a simple hello could go! She's said something to me first every day implying that she cares, and I will NEVER, take that for granted. This girl is amazing. :)
So I've finally overcome my anxiety. My one friend who caused it finally helped me put it to rest, and as for these random heart stops... They don't seem to bother me too much anymore. I can only hope I don't go through anymore emotional trauma, the heart has tendons on the inside that contract and keep it beating. I've come to find I only have a few more intact still. It shouldn't be too much of a problem, I've talked to some really amazing people on this site that have not only helped me learn to smile again, but as well have helped me to reach out more efficiently and be more socially outgoing. They did it only out of pure hearted-ness, I feel like I owe them all my life. I've even made a few friends that are willing to stay in my life and help me, no matter what situation, and with that level of compassion, I will always return the favor. Now I have more ways of contacting them than just this site. I can't even say how much that makes me happy. So if any of them happen to be reading this, I love you all and I can't thank you enough!
Bipolarity.. Not fun, and dangerous for the sake of others' friendships with you. I get it worse at night than at any other time of day. Anyone able to keep me okay and distracted from myself would be a hero to me, especially if they did it because they wanted to, not just because they know of my problem. I love anyone and everyone who is willing to be there for me because they love me too, whether in a friendly way, like a family, or even more. I'd still be happier to be me than ever and neverendingly grateful. But does such a person exist? I can't question myself, of course they do. I've met some before and would be more than happy to meet more, no matter the situation. I guess that's the reason lots of us join this site is to be accepted, and surrounded by people just like us who are more than willing to help. Good people everywhere, we just need to open our eyes and take chances, step outside our comfort zones and discover what real friends can do.
I never asked for someone to love me, or for someone to give me every waking moment of their time. All I ever asked for was someone to be there for me. I'm not fake, I never have been and never could be if I tried, cause even fake people never stay the same. I look back, trying to bring back friendships, counting 13 people who pushed me out of their lives. 13. That's an unlucky number, also, a number higher than what most people deal with. I just want a friend. A REAL friend, guy or girl, idc. I tell the attention seekers that I'm far from okay, and they don't believe me. So when I'm gone, maybe then, they might figure out I was telling the truth... Someone, help..
