Jun 21 2014, 04:16 PM

I cant breathe i cant think my depression is getting worse everyday and no one knows. I dont want them to know. To know of all the demons that haunt me. How i cant even look at myself in the mirror without finding every flaw. Without feeling all the disgust and hate towards myself. How i cant tell anyone that piece by piece im slowly losing myself. Losing my sanity. Thescars on my body mock me. Making me rremember just how weak i am. I counted them today from all the ones acquired in the last two months. 276 each cut makes the pain go away for a few minutes but the pain always comes back but i live those moments when nothing matter i cant feel anything. Ive tried stopping on music helps. Song writing,listening,plat guitar. It takes the pain away i feeo free when i do but those moments when nothing can hold me back i go crazy. Slashing my thighs till i cnt feel them anymore and no one notices. No one will because this is my darkness, my demon, that i have to hide, to try and control, to save myself from. -emmy June 21,2014