Nov 17 2017, 10:08 AM

Have to be at work at 5:30am. It is currently 4:08 am and I have maybe slept 2 hours. Work till 2, then have to hope to god I can sleep until 5 before I have to go to my msf-classes. This is gonna be a long, excruciating day. :/

Nov 10 2017, 06:27 PM

Forgot about this website, I've grown up and become a much happier person leading a much better life. I have my Fiancee, two cats, and my motorcycle. And that's all I need in life, It's crazy to look back and see what I used to be like. In a way it disgusts me but in another, I feel sympathy for myself. I'm glad I got the chance to be on this website, many people here helped me. And without them, I probably wouldn't be where I am today. Life does get better, if you want it too. Soon I'll be moving into my own apartment with my Fiancee, with a steady job. And a happy lifestyle, Not long after wanting to kill myself and having to suffer through every day I breathed. I'm glad I experienced the shitty things I did, I wouldn't be as mentally strong if I hadn't. But still, it is very weird to look back.. I barely recognize myself from then anymore, Maybe I'll hop online more often, who knows.

Nov 16 2014, 03:08 PM

I'm sorry guys but I'm deleting both of my SoEmo accounts.. I'll be on scenekids if you wanna talk to me. http://scenekids.com/TheBeautifulBeast But i don't go on there often so don't expect much.. Sorry guys.. I love you all. Goodbye and farewell. this site has been a part of my life for 5 years now. it's been a great adventure. I remember my friend on Steam showing me this site. I met lots of cool people and lots of mean people too. But everyone here was really awesome and i wish them the best of lives. I'll be off now. Bye! :)

Feb 22 2013, 05:01 PM

So today i just felt like terrible shit, And wrote about how i actually felt for 3 hours straight, Here's what i wrote: It was a good time when i was younger, I would've people to hang out with even though they never really liked me, They always made fun of me but they at least cared enough to hang out with me, We would always play games and have fun together, I started playing a game called combat arms, And that's when i lost my social life, I left the people i talked too and ruined my own life, now i wasn't intirely unsocial i thought to myself, I still have my 20 cats and 12 birds, I always ignored my cats and birds though, I loved them so much, Last year on april i got woken up by my sister screaming bloody murder, I look around and see a cop standing right next to my door, They had tooken all of the animals and i was left to hear my family just fight, I didn't know how to feel, It was so sad, but i had no words at the time, They called social services and i got tooken away, Luckily they took me to my brother, I was forced to live with him for 3 weeks, Inwhich means fulltime blackmail, Always being told "Stop being so fucking annoying patrick, Be happy i fucking let you live here, Be annoying one more time and i'll take you to fostercare myself" Hearing that everyday, I started crying at night, Every night, I would never go to sleep, I was forced to do his dirty work, aka the shit he's too lazy to fucking do, and i always had to deal with bullshit from him and his wife, His child is annoying as FUCK and never left me alone, Everytime i tride getting away from him i would be yelled at and told as i said i was told a while ago, Anyway, 3 weeks and 3 days had passed and i had finally gotten home, Still feeling like complete shit, I thought of march, I fell in love with a girl online, She was my first friend i had at the time, the reason i started calling myself emo is because she was a poser at that time, I just tride to fit in and be like her, Inwhich if you look at my first pictures on my profile you'll see what i was trying todo, Anyway, I cride from the thought that she denied me and just left me for a prick, After a while i got over it "like 5 months" but then it happend again but this time with my closest friend i've ever had, her name is lexie, She made me belive she loved me, One night me and her actually talked about it, We got so fucking close, Then she dates a prick called richard just like the other girl did, I started cutting at that time, I cut all the time, All up and down my arm, I was following the path of betrayal, I thought to myself "I'm just a worthless hated freak! WHY DO I EVEN EXIST, NO ONE WANTS ME," My parents were fighting every night at that time aswell which made it 10 times worse, I was abused by my druggie sister when i was younger aswell, I swear she has been on some serious fucking shit to make her that fucked up, Anyway, I had to promise i wouldn't cut again to lexie, She promised she wouldn't either after 3 attempts of suicide, I still loved her at the time, And i still do right now, But she betrayed me so much, I hated that,I hated that fact, But i know she didn't mean to hurt me, She didn't know what she was doing, But i still took it in the wrong way, anyway i just started thinking of suicide 24/7, I would go out to the lake and cry for hours and hours straight, My friend on steam showed me this site last year, I started to meet people kinda like me, But at the time i was just a poser because i was still following what i learned from the first girl, I made more friends and more rivials, I finally realised what i was and i stopped myself immediately, I took a break and just slept, When i woke up i told everyone i'm sorry i wss just being a poser, Then i learned what emo really meant, I noticed that i wasn't 100% a poser, Except i was a mix of punk and skater at the time, I Started listening to more rock music and got more into it, I started going to a new school, I was shy when i first went, But this extremely hot guy and this blonde slut went up to me when i was all alone, And said "Hey, I'm tyler" I looked at him like.. What do you want? to just beat me up for being a faggot? So i just looked at him and put on a fake smile, He asked me what my name was and the teacher told him, He asked me to take my hat off " at the time my hair was long messy and nasty," I didn't do it and that's when he got me to talk, After 2 minutes he left and i just went back to doing nothing, After a week, I started talking, I thought i made a friend, I really thought i did, But after 2-3 weeks she ignored me, She had graduated just a while ago, And she didn't even say bye to me, I felt even more alone, Then it happended, I started getting made fun of, Picked on, And hated on, I made 1 friend named nino, He was the only one in middle-school like me, "FWI this is not a normal school, It's a online school inwhich you go to their campus" We didn't really become friends but we talked, After a while we started getting closer, I actually made a friend for the first time in 7 years now, I cride at home from being alone for 7 years, I Was happy, We're still friends to this day, Anyway, The emotional bullying started getting worse, And worse, I got told to go kill myself and i cride in the bathroom for 30 minutes, I Wanted to ditch school but i didn't, After a week i started thinking back to suicide and wanted to do it, I was hated by everyone at school except nino at that time, I met 2 guys named devin and john, They became kinda like my friends, They're stoners and i've been trying to get hooked up with some pot from em, So i was getting mixxed feelings about being alone and all, but then "john" Betrayed me a littel bit, We're still kinda like friends but it still hurt, 2 weeks later inwhich is last week, I started likeing a girl i've known since june last year, Her name is yvonna, And she started likeing me back, It was a amazing feeling, We've been calling eachother and skypeing eachother now, She's going to go to colorado in june and she'll hopefully come visit, We got really close recently, But i kinda rushed it yesterday and asked her out, I knew it was gunna be a no, But i still asked, She said maybe when we talk more often, I said that i understand, Even though i understood how she felt i was still pretty downed about it, Today, I woke up feeling like shit, I didn't even do my hair, I just put on cloths and went to school, I ignored everyone there and only talked to nino today, By the end of the day we had to do team-sports, We did football inwhich i love sports, I got a touchdown and i got tagged out the other time, Before the end of the game, I was at the goal area and they throw the ball at me, "btw we got like 8 inches of snow" And i had to dive to catch it, I dived for it and caught it almost, It hit me straight across the face and knocked me back, I landed in the snow in horrible pain and landed on a rock aswell "On the upper left side of my chest" I was cold and hurting, I got up and walked the path of shame home, Anyway here i am now typing this in my online journal, I'm still pretty lonely even though i've people to talk too, I seperated from all of my friends over time and now i bearly talk to any of them, Yvonna and Nino are all i got right now, anyway, this is my life story of when i became what i am, It doesn't have any explanation of how i currently feel but if you understand what i'm saying and can feel what i felt back then, Then you'll understand, Anyway, Peace,

Feb 21 2013, 07:01 PM

Just got denied, For the 4th time, I understand that you're not ready, But you could've just told me sooner, Like what the fuck man? Why lead me on like that if you're just gonna tell me you aren't ready, Tell me before you start making me fall for you, Fucking aye, I am so sick of being denied, Just watch, Like the last time i was denied, We're just gonna separate now, Just like i always do with people, I get to know them, then they leave, or we both leave.... I'm over reacting but still, She should have just fucking told me, Ugh, I feel like shit now, I'll probably be off for a couple of days now,

Feb 19 2013, 05:31 AM

Going back to the hellhole, Fun fun, :/ i hate this school,

Feb 17 2013, 09:49 AM

What am i, Just why was i created, I'm not worth anything at all, Nor do i have any reason, So why did god make me? just so he can watch me go through pain everyday? I'm so fucking stupid, Who am i fooling, There is no god, Nor is there a me, Just emptiness, Lost in a dark void of emptiness, Alone

Feb 17 2013, 09:42 AM

Why did i think i can be loved... I'm so foolish...I wish i was fucking dead...

Feb 13 2013, 08:23 PM

Why is everyone ignoreing me...

Feb 13 2013, 04:59 PM

I'm so scared... I met a guy at the broomfield park n ride, We hacked a littel and had a chat, On the bus we were talking the whole time, He seemed like a nice guy, He said he lived down in like 92nd or something, And then got off the same bus stop as me and my sister at 132nd, I said my goodbyes as my sister was walking to walmart, He went the opposit way and was going up to 133rd and then later i got home and after 15 minutes my sister got him, She was in tears and said he was stalking her, He cut across to the path she was going, And started following her, She called security at walmart and stuff nothing happend but she got a ride home and in the field she went through there were 4 guys, It sounds to me they were gunna try to get her on her way back, Now i'm left terrified that i could've talked to a rapeist or pedo or killer or something... I have never been this scared in my life..He knows our neighborhood and my school...