I hate this bullshit. Everytime I try to play around and be fun with myself and the person with me; I turn it into a stupid mistake. What the hell is wrong with me?
Sometimes I try to think about why everything happens. Why people kill themselves, why people suffer, why anything at all happens. Is it really all for a reason? What does it mean to exist in maybe a third world country with starving people and almost nothing to cope with? What reason is there for that? But... then I think about the good things. Like how strong people become from it. Every smile restored to them because they can be grateful for even the smallest things. Depression is said only to be a first world problem. Depression is sadness without reason sometimes... so being constantly sad in a third world country can't be depression right?
Hmm... I have come to a realization today. Not all of us are meant to be with someone. Maybe some of us are meant to be alone, truly alone forever. Yet, we are sought after by various suitors, who are perhaps destined to be pulled away. Perhaps for some of us, love is like a one way street. We can find the ones we love. But we never are given the chance to be with them. I wonder if, maybe, I am one of those people. Because for all of it, love has been nothing but long distance flirting, people saying how much they would love to date me. But what is the likelyhood we'd actually go stretch across the earth to see each other? All emotions fade over time, especially when the ones you love are so very far away.
I should probably get a new life o-o. And new friends when it comes to real life. Because well you know; Alot of the time when you're constantly alone, your life revolves around very simple things. My highs being bulimia, money, sex, and weed. And tell me why all the guys that are actually romantically interested in me, not just about gettin in the pants, are half way across the world? What's wrong with meh? ;~; The struggles... Being that one friend that nobody likes... T-T Tis quite painful.
Today has felt like... I don't know honestly. It's as though the whole world is watching for change. But no change comes. Some of us stay invisible, having few friends to really talk to and actually call bae. And those we do call bae, the ones we think are closest sometimes don't really care at all. Those people know how you feel, when you're the pushed aside friend, third frickin wheel. But they don't always care. Like when you're with that guy you really like, but he's busy hitting on her. When your best friend is a guy, and the girl prefers him over you... Isn't that what happens to the Lonely Ones? We have so many friends... But the truest ones are the farthest from us.
