All I want is to reach someone, to say something that could change your life forever. To let them know you're not alone. Immaculate Misconception, by Motionless In White
Ashton
28 / Nonbinary / Massachusetts, United States
Gay/Lesbian / Single
Member since:
Mar 06, 2020
Last online:
Dec 16, 2024
Current rating: 8.5/10 (28 votes cast)
You have rated Ghost_of_Silence
About Me
Not much of a talker irl unless I'm around people I've known for a while. Introverted and can easily get lost in my own inner world. I like to draw, paint, and write. I have a passion for dreams, anything paranormal, and am a huge fan of creepypasta. when I'm not working or drawing or sleeping, I'm usually gaming or wandering aimlessly through the woods, maybe taking a stroll and relaxing in a cemetery when weather permits.
Favourite Music
Disturbed, Avenged Sevenfold, Breaking Benjamin, Evanescence, Seether, Lacuna Coil, Escape the Fate, Falling in Reverse, MCR, Three Days Grace, Awaken the Giant, Bullet for my Valentine, All That Remains, FFDP, Otherwise, Within Temptation, Nox Arcana, Nightwish, NateWantsToBattle, Little V Mills, Lucas King, BvB, Jay Ray, Static X, Torndown, Theory of a Deadman, My Darkest Days, 12 Stones, Stone Sour, Puddle of Mudd, Evans Blue, Linkin Park, Dream State, Downplay, Starset, Montagerock, Asmodai, Max Ablitzer, Killswitch Engage, Trivium, Two Steps from Hell, Poets of the Fall, Gothic Storm, Deligma, Shinedown, Sins of a Divine Mother, Myuuji, Celldweller, Insomnium, Ascendia, Skillet, Red, New Years Day, Art of Dying, Like a Storm, Ashes Remain, The Wreckage, Godsmack, Sick Puppies, Drowning Pool, Crossfade, Megaherz, EarlyRise, Coldrain, Coheed and Cambria, Blue Stahli, Korn, Cryoshell, Emphatic, No Resolve, Thousand Foot Krutch, Shockwave Sound, Nine Lashes, Angel Vivaldi, Paramore, Pierce the Veil, Bring me the Horizon, Beyond Unbroken, The Raven Age, Panic at the Disco, Halestorm, Divitius, Motionless in White, Cyrenic, Unsun, The National, Fivefold, TesseracT, Dead by April, The Enigma TNG, Icon for Hire, Green Day, Widek, From Ashes to New, Citizen Soldier, Vamps, Mercenary, Cevilian, There for Tomorrow, Staind, Silent Theory, Saltatio Mortis, Sleeping with Sirens, Digital Daggers, Captives (Caskets), Neverwake, Breathing Theory...just to name a few
Favourite Films / TV / Books
Movies:
Avatar, Blood Diamond, The Incredible Hulk (2008), Odd Thomas, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, Shadow People, Grave Encounters (1 and 2), Silent Hill, Silent Hill Revelations, Ready Player One, Underworld (saga), Van Helsing, Hellboy (2004), The Punisher, Oblivion, Edge of Tomorrow, Brick Mansions, Upgrade, Lord of the Rings (trilogy), 9, Nightmare Before Christmas, The Great Gatsby, I-Robot, Victor Frankenstein, Sleepy Hollow, Corpse Bride, Xombie: Dead on arrival, Carved: the slit-mouthed woman, Hansel and Grettle: Witch hunters, The Crow, Sweeny Todd
Anime:
Requiem for the Phantom, Ghost Hunt, Elfen Lied, Claymore, Kaze no Stigma, Black Butler, FMA (original and brotherhood), Shuffle, Gargantia, Planet of the Beast King, Demon King Diameo, Full Metal Panic, This Ugly yet Beautiful World, Spice and Wolf, Sacred Blacksmith, High School of the Dead, Ghost Stories (eng dub for obvious reasons), Bleach, Goblin Slayer, Is this a Zombie?, Shiki, Blood-C, Black Blood Brothers, Attack on Titan, Kill La Kill, Parasyte, Witchblade, Corpse Party, InuYasha, Hellsing Ultimate, Cashern Sins, Darker than Black
TV shows:
Code Lyoko, Arrow, Once Upon a Time, Teen Titans, Supernatural, The Witcher.
Education / Occupation
working
Who I'd Like To Meet
Michael J Tatum, David Draimen, Nathan Sharp, Elijah Wood
May 11, 2020
Entry 5_
For so long ive become numb to myself; everything inside feels so distant and hollow, barely familiar like a dream half remembered. And yet i can feel something inside trying desperately to claw its way to the surface. Only now do I realize what it is. Every emotion, every memory Ive burried and suppressed to become this hollow shell. No wonder why it feels like Ive just come out of a coma. Ive lived my life on autopilot so long that now its finally catching up to me. As much as I want to feel again, I also know the danger of setting it all loose too quickly... Itll be the FSU incident all over again. No.. I need to take things slow for now. But what scares me most is that its already starting to show. Even my coworkers have noticed a shift in my eyes "it looks like youre holding a lot back". under normal circumstances I could brush this comment off, but he was right. I am holding alot back, But I worry if I let it all go if I will end up pushing everyone away again.
I need time to think on this...
-- Entry Concludes --
April 4, 2020
Entry 4_
Another faded potential... after 3 years I finally find someone I feel comfortable around, someone who I share feelings with and who I know shares feelings for me. Just when I think it can go somewhere I find out that we're both going to be separated. she's moving back with her family in MI and I'm moving further back in the ghost town I've come to know. right place wrong time... at this point it doesn't even hurt anymore. I just feel disappointed. yet another lost potential for something that could have been. oh well, sooner or later I'll start searching more locally. in the mean time I will enjoy what remains of our time together while it lasts. no reason to be bitter. besides, there's no way solitude can be eternal... can it?
-- Entry Concludes --
March 26, 2020
Entry 3_
Already over a week in quarrantine and still little has changed in my life while I watch the rest of the world outside my window lose their damned minds. Pity... Just when I wanted to make the effort to go out more and explore for the first time; see whats out there. Oh well, another year in solitude won't hurt. I mean, Ive made it this far without slipping under, haven't I? Still... The loneliness is creeping around the other corner and I still do want to reconnect with my family. Its been 3 years... Im not mad at them anymore. Hopefully this blows over without too much of an issue soon.
-- Entry Concludes --
March 12, 2020
Entry 2_
*sigh* another relapse. And i was doing so well to stay away from it.
Nothing was working. Grounding techniques, the water bowl trick, cold temperatures and other techniques failed. I couldnt control my rage and i needed to bring myself back down as quick as I could.
Well.. Nothing can be done about it now. Ill just have to start over and try yet again.
... God dammit.
-- Entry Concludes --
March 9, 2020
Entry 1_
I feel like I used to know the people around me. I feel like I used to know who I was and where everything was headed. so certain of my future, of the people I would meet, of the places I'd go. now I can barely recall my purpose of yesterday. the past few years have been... strange. life has taken me places I'd never expected to go, and in that time more of me was fragmented. its like looking into a broken mirror; you see the pieces of an image that makes you who you are, but none of those pieces fit together the way they used to. but I haven't been swallowed by despair, not like I used to be. I'm just... lost... confused. with every day that passes I'm searching, maybe for some remnants of my former self, maybe for something new to shape me into something else, or maybe for some other unnamable thing that will provide me answers to questions I've yet to ask. In this new life of solitude, what else can I do but search? maybe someday I'll find what I'm looking for, or maybe someday I'll decide its not important and leave it behind. until that day comes the search continues.
-- Entry Concludes --
