Aug 01 2012, 01:14 PM

What else do you do in times like these, but acknowledge and move on? The grieving process has begun, and we all have no choice but to observe.

Jul 28 2012, 02:08 PM

Consequences of NOT controlling my emotions when my "problems" are really just in my own HEAD: Making my boyfriend cry. Okay, time to change. Past time to change. Way past time.

Jul 27 2012, 12:22 PM

A wistful glance To the couch Where once you restlessly slept. Oh love If I could take away All my bitterness. If only I had been so bold I could have Snuck out in the night To find you there. Tempted I was. Bitterly hurt, as well. So bitter I left without a word And descended my way To hell.

Jul 27 2012, 12:17 PM

Time for a poem that ISN'T dark and sad :) You kissed the phone in my absence As I waited for your voice to return I held back another "I love you" As the click said the phone call was done I sat with it pressed to my ear Held my breath, closed my eyes, bit my lip Knowing full well you weren't there But hanging on to what made my heart flip The range of your voice soft and sweet The rises and falls of your sighs I could almost feel you breathing Almost hear your chest rise Yearning's not a large enough word To describe the intensity of the feeling Within every small corner of my heart Love is beautifully beating Soft moans escape my lips Because my love cannot be contained Goosebumps form on my arms At the very thought of your name When I hear your voice, I reach out Reach out to touch the air, thin I press my palms to my legs Just aching to touch your skin My mind's still whispering I love you's My memory's rewinding to your voice I'll never forget how this happened All from one simple choice

Jun 21 2012, 06:14 PM

Did you miss me? Probably didn't notice I was gone. I know, I know. I shouldn't think those thoughts. I'll get depressed again. Shove away the thoughts and I'll feel better. Can I say mental breakdown? Full-out, went crazy, complete mental breakdown. Poor people, I scared them to death. They didn't know what to do except pick me up from the pavement after I collapsed. And that wasn't a metaphor. I'm going to get professional help soon, but this time in between is awful. I'm trying so hard not to self-medicate. Not to get addicted to anything. Again. I know, quit making depressive posts. But you know what, I have to vent it out somewhere, so suck it up. You don't have to read it. This is what keeping a journal is for. But on the upside, I was told I'm needed last night. To know someone who is that important to me, someone I feel I've hurt so much, someone I can't live without can't live without me either is satisfactory enough. I'd rather be just a friend and give him "inner peace" than be his girlfriend like I wanted to be and not do so. For both to happen would be heaven, ideal, but I won't ask for that. Ahh... good, nice, healthy venting<3

Mar 29 2012, 02:12 PM

I think my brain substituted my mental pain for physical pain... My ribs are hurting again, the same kind of pain I went to the doctor for which led to the big scare over my lungs. Oddly enough, I never really got an answer for why I'm having rib pains? I realized that every time my ribs get painful, it's right after I stop being depressive (or just plain angry, as far as lately goes). There's no reason that I stop, it's like I just wake up and I'm not depressed anymore; instead I have these sharp pains in the left side of my ribs. I'm pretty sure this is possible... If anybody has any sort of advice... comment please?

Mar 25 2012, 11:59 AM

Sometimes it makes me want to cry the way she chases butterflies and mumbles softly to herself she's in her world; there's no one else.

Mar 25 2012, 11:57 AM

"Am I allowed to go too?" "I don't know." and he shuts the door in my face. It's dark here and cold as I walk quietly away from the small, lit room. My footsteps echo. So does the rain. I've gotten used to these moments. Moments? More like half an hour of waiting alone. It doesn't bother me anymore. The silence is silenced by my thoughts. Companions? I don't need. Their voices softly escape through the cracks between the door and its way. I can't hear what they say. I sink into my chair further down beneath its legs into the floor into the ground. It's getting darker. And colder. They call this God's house?

Mar 21 2012, 03:39 PM

"I'm a Realist" Painted my nails black again And no, I'm not who I was The last time. Yes, you caused my eyes to open But I can't be Everything You want for me. Darling, I'm a realist. No pessimism, No optimism, Extremes are too Unreal for me. Now take me as I am You've seen Nearly all sides of me. Lately I look in the mirror With satisfaction. I could be better But I can't stand fake. I could be worse But that causes hate. No, darling, I'm a realist. So look at The good in Realism, oh Mr. Optimist.

Mar 20 2012, 03:53 PM

So stressed today I got sick. Went home from school with a fever and I'm feeling better but now I have a headache. As soon as I got home I freaked out, locked myself in the bathroom, started crying, and next thing I knew I was on the floor, banging my the back of my head against the wall until I sunk even lower and couldn't make myself get up. I sent a text to my friend (who I always go to for these things because usually he has something to say that gets me back on my feet for the time being) and gave him the implication that I was feeling suicidal again; I asked "How can suicide be selfish if everyone else seems so selfish?" His reply was "because you're not thinking of them, you're thinking of you." Even though I knew he was right, I was still feeling angry and hurt by everyone and kind of flipped out. For a while I didn't get any messages back. So I got myself off the floor and went into my bedroom and crashed onto my bed, immediately falling asleep. I drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour or so and finally he said something: that he was going to call my parents. When I woke up and read the message I realized just how serious I'd been and that he was really going to do it. So I told him I'd be okay and he said "I'm not going to let you do it." I sent text after text after text insisting that I'd be okay. I started getting paranoid every time the house phone went off. He didn't call my parents because he believed me; thank God. Now I'm just exhausted. Life has been so crazy lately. It's not that I'm like this all the time, but some days I just snap. It was so bad today. I've been bad for the past week or two. Even the Butterfly Project (which I know some of you are familiar with) wasn't helping my self harm issues. Idk what's up with me; I thought I was okay. Everyone thought I was okay... Songs of the Day: Butterflies Instead - K's Choice Pale Green Stars - Everclear Man of the Hour - Pearl Jam