Jun 01 2014, 12:35 PM

for some one who is a mere 5ft 5" i say fight me more than i should , i also spew a hell of alot of philological crap,curse far too often, act like a immature toddler when in fact i turn 18 this yr , I fall over non existing objects, walk into walls and fall up the stairs as well as down, I'm random, perhaps alitlle too crazy for my own good and have a blunt twisted sense of humor .. yet despite all my flaws and faults i still have friends. Don't know exactly how i do. but i do...

May 27 2014, 05:12 PM

Why the hell is it that when, lets say a chick splits from a guy after a long term relationship, all the other guys she turned away or has got listed in her mind as friends liking her .. suddenly upon hearing the news of the split, ditch their silent ,lay low game and spring into flirtatious ' i really like you..would you consider me ' modes or start becoming incredibly clingy and overbearing at points ? 0.o when all the girl wants is alittle time and breathing space to collect her thoughts and nurse the butthurt that comes of a relationship break down.. *sigh* if only life was that simple and guys well..weren't so guy(ish) i guess xD

Mar 16 2014, 03:36 PM

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Mar 12 2014, 02:12 PM

Just feel like a ghost. It's as if there's some kinda invisible pain of glass between me and the world. on one hand i can see and hear everything around me, on another i just sit there screaming at myself to do something before things get worse ,yet i see myself do nothing. being locked in limbo is never fun nor is heading on a downward spiral..but i guess ignoring how i really feel about things and just getting by in life, is all i can do. i guess it's better than returning to my normal self destructive habits ..right?

Mar 04 2014, 03:10 PM

time is wearing thin along with my will to hold on.. *sigh* why is it that i'm stubborn, indecisive and f**k just about everything i do up ?

Feb 28 2014, 10:38 AM

adivce/help on how to stop self harm I thought some of this maybe useful for those struggling with Self Harm/ self Injury or for the people who want to help/support someone going through it... For those struggling with it and from personal experience, I found knowing what triggers you and how to deal with urges along with finding that someone or something you trust enough to turn to for help/support are the most important things in the journey to recovery. I'm NOT going to say recovery is easy because it isn't, but i will say, it is worth every step of the journey to achieve it. harming your self achieves nothing but pain and darkness. it will not solve the problems although it may seem help you in the short term, it will do the opposite in the long run. Those of you who have recovered/ are almost recovered will know what i mean by the statement above. Although recovery can be a daunting prospect and can be scary, there are afew things that will make it alittle easier for you. firstly, don't just go "i will stop tonight and be clean onwards" because self harm, especially after you've been doing it for afew years can become incredibility addictive and impulsive and sometimes it can feel like the only thing around that help... So it's best to gradually reduce the amount you harm over a period of time. ie. set a goal by saying to yourself, you won't harm for so many days a week when you get the urge too. Then as you achieve this gradually increase the number of days you don't harm for/resits the urge to. This also lowers the chance of serious relapses as your not completely withdrawn from your comfort/coping habbits straight away.Basically you teach yourself to become less and less dependant on Harming to feel alive or emotions or what ever your reasoning to do so. Another method of reducing how much you harm is a technique called Positive Word reinforcement. It is a method i frequently used in my darker phases to much success. All you need to do is find a word of something you like, that is 5-7 letters long ( a letter/symbol for each day of the week) and for every you don't cut/harm you write one letter of this word on you, in a place you can easily look at in times of urges ie your arm (no cheating if you do slip up or else it won't work properly) once you have spelt this word (all 5-7 letters) you reward yourself with something small ie a chocolate bar or something that you like. You keep doing this letter by day thing till you can easily spell word abd then you can either increase the word length or try doing a week without the word at all. This technique enforces your brains signal of happiness with not harming and the reward is a visual way of seeing this. oh course, there are many projects out there on the web such as the well known Butterfly project,bracelets and colour line project etc but not all those work for everybody and it's about finding what methods work best for you and your situation. As for dealing with urges , I personally found Distraction was the best technique as my mind couldn't focus on harming and something else that required alot of thought ie reading a long book, doing a crossword or even doing that dreaded coursework you have left form school, at the same time. Over the years, I've found/heard that most successful methods of distraction involve keeping your hands occupied ie Drawing ,writing ,journals etc or replacing the action with another ie instead of cutting, tear up a phone book or thick card into tiny pieces to release the stress, draw lines in coloured pen on paper or your skin till the urge passes or maybe go for a simple walk or jog outside.. (fresh air oddly helps clear the mind epically when in a nosiey/heated situation ) Relapses will no doubt occur along the way and this can be scary especially when you thought you had stopped but they are perfectly normal part of recovery. When these occur , don't panic or feel ashamed at yourself, just take a step back from things and think about why you harmed, what lead up up to the relapse(emotions,actions etc) nd what in the future you can do to prevent it occurring again. Writing your answers down to the questions that you ask yourself and displaying/having it close to hand, when you have the urge to relapse during a 'clean' period, is always handy to keep you on track and remind you of your end goal. Also remember you are not alone and shouldn't have to feel ashamed of self harm/injury. Talking to someone you trust or writing down how you feel in a journal can help relive some of the stress and bottled feelings inside, along with going outside and just screaming/cursing into the air. (daft as it sounds it worked, or for me anyway) on a general note for those going through a hard/dark time.. Life is worth so much more than harming and has so many good things in it, if you fight towards them. Hope is always possible and can be found anywhere if you look hard enough for it. Show those who hate/doubt you why you are the better person and stand upto the bullies/hate and tell them who you are and what you stand for. Most importantly be you and be proud of yourself and what you can acheive :) If anyone wants any support or more advice on how to stop or just wants a chat/vent about anything feel free to PM me and i'll do my best to listen and help you. Sorry for the length of this post but i hope it helps some of you out there and good luck with recovery and stay strong <3 x

Feb 23 2014, 01:06 PM

Okay the drama llama moment has finished

Feb 20 2014, 10:22 AM

cannot believe myself ..seriously -_- i am not panicking at all.. i am Not panicking what so ever.. I am seriously NOT panicking ... okay ... i'm PANICKING !!! hell do i hate exams and mocks even more. Stressed and need de-stressing

Feb 13 2014, 04:38 PM

For the observant yes i have been wearing NO liquid/gel or dramatic eyeliner styles all week. Reason: sick of comments and to challenge myself Still can't cope without the stuff though xD

Feb 04 2014, 01:17 PM

Even with exam season looming around the corner at college I'm rather excited about starting my next personal art project :) It's one of these projects, that takes about a month worth developing ideas and looking around for inspiration and then a further 2 months drawing up and developing ideas further, before prelim and final drawings are made ... I feel it's time to go supply shopping again soon, As I feel this particular project is going to require A2 sketch books and alot of fine liner pens :)