Feb 07 2013, 04:11 PM

well, that trigger hs finally been pulled, I'm finally dead! My aunt died nearly two weeks ago, but that's not what's killing me... I just ofund out something about Kyle, who was my boyfriend. On facebook he posted a status saying that he was back and that he was depressed about something. I was thinking he meant somehting else by his status, I misunderstood him. We talked over time, but I knew something was wrong. I just found out xactly what he meant by his status, and that he has gotten back together with his ex girlfriend! He told me he thoguht I was ignoring him because I haven't gone to see him and we weren't talking a lot (Internet is a bitch out here alone with the fact that he hardly gets his ass on Facebook or checks his messages anyway). So he automatically thoguht I had broken up with him, even though I have never ever said it! He asumed it, so he went and got back together with his ex. I just found that out and it's killing me! I thought he was different from others, I thought he knew me, I guess he's just a nother jackass that will never change. I'm through, I've been batteling with so much shit these past few years and it's been piling up on me, I just can't take this anyore. I know a lot of [eople will be mad when I say this, but I started to cut agian... I don't know what else to do, I'm just thorugh fighting this shit, I'm tired and I'm close to breaking. I hope those stupid ass ppeople who have been after me for years are finally happy, I'm just thinking of sinking into a dark hole and staying there. Well, I'm gone my dear pet, I'm closing off and shutting down so nothing can touch me ever again. Rest In Peace, Until we meet again.

Dec 15 2012, 09:04 PM

Lonely and forgotten, Days filled with misery, No warmth can touch me. Everything blurs past, There is no bliss, No memories, No thoughts, No feelings, No me. I'm lost in this muddy picture, Forever frozen in the background. I can never call myself my own, Forced to be the way others want me, To feel what others want me to, To think what others want me to, To speak what others want me to, To act the way others want me, I will never truly be my own. A robot, Of flesh and blood. No soul, No thought of my own, No voice, No feeling, No heart. A robot, Separated from my true being, Separated from my head, Separated from my Heart, Separated from my courage, Molded by another's hand. Bleak and gray, No way to stand out, I blend, Frozen into a background created by another. There is no hope, There is no love. There is only hate, Only sorrow, Only pain, Only misery. There is no freedom for a robot like me, For someone who had everything ripped away from them, For a person with no person. My batteries are ran dry, Only kept alive with a life support. My body is frozen and brittle, Only held together by nuts and bolts. Can no one see me? Can no one hear the bland message behind my tones that are not my own? Am I nothing? Am I forever more, Not of my own?

Aug 31 2012, 07:53 PM

It feels like it's been forever. I finally get part of my life back and then it's ripped away from me by the same assholes who ripped it up in the first place. Too much is changing at once. Eh fuck it, take life as it comes I guess.

Jun 09 2012, 02:57 PM

How many times? How many times are you going to flash that smile at me? How many times are you going to open your arms for me? How many are you're eyes going to lure me? How many times are you going to use me for your own pleasure? For your own use? And how many times will I fall for it? Everyday, you use me You invite me You seduce me Then you use me For your own purpose For your amusement You don't care for me You don't care for the countless others who have fallen victim How can you stand there and say you love me? When you kiss another How can you hold my hand and say you're mine? When your arm is wrapped around another? How can you look me in the eyes and kiss me? When you take another? How dare you say I mean the world to you? When you buy the world for another? You've beaten me You've used me You've lied to me But most of all, You've deceived me My eyes opened As you ripped my hart out And gave it to another, Pretending it was yours I died You drank my soul My being filled your lust And once your hunger ebbed You threw me away for another And therefore... I am dead There is nothing left, But a hollow shell That the wind blows through, Mocking what used to be me I am dead I am hollow Damned to walk this earth for eternity Damaged to never be had again Damned, To never think again To never love again To never feel again Damned, To wallow in Misery To wallow in Pain To wallow in Anger I'm dead I'm damned I'm tortured and tormented And I'm damaged Therefore, I'm gone

Jun 08 2012, 08:12 PM

The school system is so fucked up! My computer/business teacher, who is also my FBLA advisor is being released from our school to another, and they're getting rid of computer and business classes. These are classes everyone needs to be able to get a job in life, how retarded is this? And then theres ore fucking drama with my family, friends, and people who's asses I've booted out of my life but are trying to but their way back in >.< I'm tired of this shit shit. Fuck my life.

May 21 2012, 10:56 PM

Whore Slut Bitch Souless Heartless Trash Nazi Tramp Dyke Asshole Mongral Scum Shit of the Earth Waste of Life Waste of Breath Waste of Space Good for Nothing Tranzi Freak Outcast It Cock Sucker Cunt Twat I've heard it all I've seen it all I've been through it Because you put me through it You think this hurts me? You think this weakens me? You think you can make me give up so easily? You think you can get your way? you think you can make things yours? You think of nothing but yourself! Yeah, my ressolve is gone My trust is damaged My innocence has been blackened My life, has been ruined But I wont let you push me around If I die, It's on my own time On my own terms My own way My own place I control myself Not you You've cast me into the fire I've asked for your help But you stomp on my hand When I'm close to getting out You're not the reason I give up I'm the reason I give up I give up Out of Love Out of Pain Out of Misery Out of Sorrow Out of Seeing things that no one else can imagine But I don't give up because of you! All you have done Was help me see Help me Hear Help me Feel and Help me Fear Fear myself and What I'm capable of But not you I would never fear you If anything I pitty you I pitty that You can't Feel you can't Love You can't Trust and You can't Hurt So if you think you made me give up Think again I give up Because I love those around me! I see what happens to them when they're around me I see the pain I cause I see the misery I bring I see the sorrow they spare me I see the love they try to give me It's for them that I give up So they wot have to put up with me any longer Not for you not for your selfishness Not for what you want Not for what you think But for others You think you have won? You might be right in a way But it is truly me who has won I get to be Free Happy Careless Loving and Creative So in the end It is I who has won So you know what? I say fuck you I say fuck your way I say fuck what you say You can go suck on those words of yours And live the thing you call life While I have my FREEDOM!

May 21 2012, 10:41 PM

Child: Mom, how do you spell Love? I'm telling my friend about the conversation you and dad had. What did he mean when he said you were incapable of love? Mother: Don't worry about it hun, you'll soon find out. Next evening the child walked in on his mother taking a bath, she had slit her wrists and written a suicide note in her own blood reading, "How could I be the one incapable of Love when you walk around with several women at once and leave me and your child starving and barely clutching on to life?" To many times have things like this happened, all because of the cruelty of people! To many times have cruel words and actions caused others to take the extreme and end their pain and suffering permanently. I've felt this pain, and I know many others have, there's really no way to handle it or to end it. All you can do is hold your chin up and walk through it, ignoring the flames that want to drag you down with them.

May 19 2012, 08:44 PM

I feel so horrible. Idk, I just...... I feel betrayed, hated, and like I'm a waste of space and life. So many people have shown me that too........ I hate it, I hate myself....

May 18 2012, 09:54 PM

It hurts so much that I just..... I just curl into a helpless ball and feel my heart crack and my stomach split as the tears burn like a cut. I can't help it, I'm so fed up with this stuff and I just want it to be over with! I just want people for once in their lives to be truthful with me and to let me know how they really feel, what they really think, instead of going around behind my back and doing things. I'm not like people think..... As long as you're honest with me and you let me know what you're doing, I don't give a shit. I'm fine with it, I don't care, even if it would hurt me, the only time I care is when you lie to me about it! When you try to hide it or go behind my back with it, that's when I care! That's when I start hurting! That's when these cracks deepen and my soul fades a little furthur down into darkness........

May 18 2012, 09:53 PM

This hurts so much..... I hardly ever talk to Kyle and I love him with all my heart, but there's no way that I can capture him. He's like the midnight breeze, flowing with a never ending current, like a mustang, free and untamable. He says he loves me and that I'm his, but he doesn't act like it.... I'm afraid history is repeatign itself with him. Then I have Josh. He says the sweetest things that no one has ever said to me, and he says he loves my every flaw, how I act and what I do is cute, and that he loves me in general. But all I hear from others is that he's a heartbreaker and there's nothing good that can come from him. Some people say that he's changing, but others say it's a trick to get me to him. He tells me he's changing and that I would know if he is being the man whore that he was, but I haven't known him that long and I don't know if that's true. Then we hardly tlak either. He never gets on and when he does, it's a quick moment and I have to jump on the chance and tell him to call me as soon as possible. When he does call (Sometimes he never calls after he leave this site) he promises to call again the next day when he has to go, then he breaks it, leaving me in tears with yet another crack to add to my heart. What's worse, is I'm in love with Kyle, and he's ripping that up quick. Then there's Teddy. Yes, she's a girl, but she loves me with all her heart and she has prooven it plenty of times, but she's younger then me and is ignorant. When I try to tell her something she fights me against it and I can't stand it, and what I feel for her is no competitions with what I feel for Kyle or for Josh. And then there's Nathan..... I thought I was over him, but I feel a pang in my heart here and there when I hear him or see him making fun of me. Those bitches turned him on me and I can never forgive or forget what they and my brother have done to me and my family. It hurts so much that I just..... I just curl into a helpless ball and feel my heart crack and my stomach split as the tears burn like a cut. I can't help it, I'm so fed up with this stuff and I just want it to be over with! I just want people for once in their lives to be truthful with me and to let me know how they really feel, what they really think, instead of going around behind my back and doing things. I'm not like people think..... As long as you're honest with me and you let me know what you're doing, I don't give a shit. I'm fine with it, I don't care, even if it would hurt me, the only time I care is when you lie to me about it! When you try to hide it or go behind my back with it, that's when I care! That's when I start hurting! That's when these cracks deepen and my soul fades a little furthur down into darkness........