i know that. i understand what you mean. if god was real then why am i like i am. tell you the truth its not because hes better than you. its because of his son that died on the cross for us. he does things that we dont understand. like for instance. i believed in god when i was 4 or 5 or 6 but the thing that made me stop is that i was bullied inside a church and thats the very first place i was ever bullied at. it was one of the youth that was doing it. the guy was cruel and went so far as to make me cry and kept going. the church volunteers didnt do anything so i stopped believing in god but i hated him. i was an indie goth basically my whole child hood if not emo and ive never met my real father. i always hated him for that reason. my father was never around in my life but when i was 10 i learned he was a child malleaster. so i got really messed up because ive always wanted to be like my dad. lets just say that i had a bad child hood. when i moved to buna i was 14 and things didnt start to change. i was in 8th grade and my neighbor cody ruso came by one day askin do i wanna go to church about 4 times until i finally said yes. i didnt feel like i belonged until later when i went to camp with everyone. i went to camp not knowing i was gona change. i was a major punk/goth who just wanted to kill himself. when we accept jesus we accept him with our heart not our mind or soul. i still have my times when im suicidal and question god. the other day i got into a wreck with my mom's truck and wandered why am i still alive. it was obvious that it would've made more sense if i died. you see if you let god fill the holes in your life you'll find it more easy to bear. ive been trying to throw him out and i have found no peace in my life. but he changed me from a horrible person who will lie get into fights and cuss like a sailor if not worse and carve 666 into his arm(tried to) to a guy who is still emo but ready to help anyone who needs it and be there for them just like my father now is there for me. just like jesus is there for me. and is there for all of us. so he doesnt care about all the titles and stuff. he loves you. and so do i. i love you more than you think i do cause i care enough about you to write this paragraph. i want you to live a better life than i have. and i am here to help guide you

well i can tell you the meaning of life. and its really to serve god. now i know its corny but i can tell you my testimony if you like. and the thing about christianity is that the reason why its fulfilling is that it has to do with fate. and if kids life at you for who you are then forget about them. they will be judged however it may be. but im here for you. and you do have somethin. you have me a bigger brother figure and i will always be here for ya

hi hi watsup grrrrl

why? is it cause of kim? and everything is worth it cause youre worth it and you are not pathetic trust me i know what pathetic is and its not you. so please tell me what it is that's on your mind that you want to talk about sweety

awwww whats wroooong? HUGS

definately, HUGS |D

I miss you too. Need to re-download AIM. ;3

Herro cassy. :3

yeah, i went to the psychiatric hospital to be more exact. Im just in a down mood. so what you been up to?

lol miss you too girl, hell i just got back from the behavioral hospital like i dont know maybe 4 days ago so thats why i havent been on the computer lately. sorry :/ :D