Oct 11 2014, 04:37 PM

I was able to do so... I went up to the door and knocked... only to find out that she was out at her sister's house... well it was worth a try XD

Oct 11 2014, 07:40 AM

Well... yesterday when I went for a walk, I didn't talk to the girl, but I'm going for a walk right now, so I'll see if I can bring myself to talking to her, best of luck, hopefully I don't get nervous.

Oct 10 2014, 07:58 AM

Fucking angry at my "friend" at school named Thomas Kelly, he's a fucking arse I hope he dies. For the past few weeks he's been calling me a "wanna be" just because I'm "emo" he claims that I "try so hard to be emo" when I tell him that I'm just being myself, he doesn't fucking listen and calls me a wanna be anyway. Now on this day he's gotten two other friends and even my BEST friend to start calling me one for no reason, they call me a "wanna be of the wanna be" which makes no fucking sense. The next time I see that bastard I'm gonna knock his fucking lights out. He becomes more of an asshole day by day! I think today I'll go for a walk and when I'm on my way home, I'll pay his girlfriend a visit. I've known her longer then he has and she's more of in a good relationship with me more then him... speaking of which I'll ask her why she dates such an asshole. Been wanting to know this for a while now.

Oct 04 2014, 10:26 AM

I went out for a walk today somewhere around 3:30pm and 3:50pm, as I walked around I went through the woods to have a sit down in a little camping site my friends go to for camp around. I went there, sat down for a couple of minutes, and I noticed the football field outside of the forest had some people playing it, it was completely packed with footballers, parents and kids. I went around a watched through the fence a little bit. Sometimes me and my friends go around there and it's completely empty, but this time, it felt like people were at a comic-con. I went around the side and saw some little kids having a little mini game of football themselves, I banged on the fence and messed with the lock and the kids were screaming as I'd hide when they look over the fence to see who's there, then finally one little kid came out and walked near me and was all like "c'mere and face me then!" it was hilarious. Then I'd go in and out and they'd try to catch me. Then finally when I merged out in the forest, the kid looked at me and pulled out a camera, he was gonna take a photo of me! The split second he took out the camera I ran away, I don't think he got me. Even if he did, it would've been too dark due to the forest tree's covered the light. If I find myself in the papers, I am gonna laugh my ass off. Then when I headed home, I encountered a friend of mine from school, only to find out he lives near me. I talked to him for a couple of minutes and he was doing a paper round. And he didn't even notice that I had my hair dyed. So helped him a bit and he claimed it was his first day doing the paper round, as I helped him out for about (from my math) 20 minutes, I headed home and pointed out where I live to him. And we parted ways, and here I am, home! Got in at 5:30pm.

Sep 29 2014, 09:01 AM

Fucking bad day today, a cunt friend of mine broke my earphones while I was listening to music. I slapped him across the head and called him a cunt, but due to me feeling bad all the time, even for those bad to me, I apologized and forgave him, much because he was a friend of mine. But my friends, are real shit heads who turn on me. Now that I think of it... I remember that douche bag who took the girl I loved away from me... who started most of my depression... The meanest trick was played on me - a fake love... Even though the girl asks me a few times if I'm alright and that, truth be told she doesn't give a fuck about me... doesn't even know me..... I have no happiness, no ambitions, hardly any friends, and no LOVE!!! Rejected me just so she could be with an awful fucking jock who after winning a football match rips off his shirt and runs around the field screaming in victory. A guy who was my friend in the younger years, but began hating on me for unknown reasons why, and after he went into a relationship with the girl, he laughed and humiliated me as I'll never have what he's got... He's right... I never will... I see this fuck around with her in lessons, he slaps her across the face and torments her, yet the two still go out with each other, what the fuck is wrong with that slut? I don't even get why girls are so attracted to such assholes... it doesn't make sense... especially when the assholes abuse them... I see jocks having fun. Friends, women, LIVES! Or rather shallow existences compared to mine... When I look back, all those jocks who are complete dick heads, use to be my good friends in the younger years. Then all of a sudden when were all grown up, they start hating on me and other people for no known reasons. Just because I'm not an athlete or something? Nearly everyone I grew up with... it all happened to them. We're all so fucked. This world is fucked. I mean, what's the point? We'll just be dumped by our long friends for no reason and then go onto some new friends... but hardly as good as the ones you knew all those years ago, now turned into a fucking asshole... It's never gonna stop... and eventually... we'll all be loners...

Sep 26 2014, 04:01 PM

I just watched the movie "Klass" it's an Estonian film and it was really heart breaking. *sniff*

Sep 17 2014, 01:07 PM

Well guess what happened today at 20:59? My mother began shouting at me again just because I speak in a smart arse tone when I'm being nice. Apparently she claims she does everything for me and I treat her like crap. Truth be told I can't even the remember the last time she did something for me. And guess what happened at 21:01? She came storming into my room and told me if I give her shit one more time, she will remove my computer from my room, and it "will" happen. She constantly keeps judging my sayings just because of my tone, the fuck is a matter with her? God I hate this family. Full of judgment and joy, I absolutely HATE happy people, too busy going about joy and not the important shit that's horrible about life.

Sep 12 2014, 01:21 PM

Yet again my mum yelled at me for the simplest thing, she's mad at me for not going to a sleep over my friends were having and that I wasn't invited to and I'm not even bothered about it. Yet for some reason she claims I should be bothered about it, dunno why. Then I got a pizza ordered and when it arrived it turned out to be small when I asked for a medium so I started asking questions then after a couple of minutes she burst out loud raging like a little child who wants cookies saying "GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Here's my words I secretly said in my mind... You dunno the pain I go through.

Sep 08 2014, 10:48 AM

Life is just... uneasy... Whenever my dad comes to me mentioning my sadness and depression saying I'm not depressed I'm just "emotional" (which for a fact I am emotional on things). I just tell him to leave me alone, but he says he can't because it's his "job" to make sure I'm happy, that ain't happening! I try and convince him the world is shit but he just says it isn't, it's a beautiful place. So here's one thing, he is technically claiming that this stuff I'm about to list is okay. People killing each other Raping innocent weaklings like women Molest children Deceive and betray Destroy lives Bully and torture weak individuals at school What kind of world is this? And he claims the the world is perfect? I don't think so! He doesn't understand a bit, he's just another one of those party goers who doesn't bother caring about the world, caring for those weak individuals being tortured, and the homeless and starved people dying! It's fucking pathetic, and when I claim I'm weak my parents keep denying those facts and the only reason they are doing it is because they want me to be perfect and not want me to be that way, and I'll tell them something. I AM being that way, and it's already happened, I already am, there's no stopping them, they can keep denying all they want, but I'm already weak! If I wasn't weak I would be able to defend myself in battles and beat the greedy fucks who attack me. But here's the result when I last came out of one that I kept in my mind "You know what it feels like? To be beaten, almost to death with no knollege of defending yourself? Peacefull... it feels peacefull... I enjoyed that pain so much it was like I was fading away, watching the whole thing happen to me. Then I woke up again, and I'm still taking the beating, I'm still trapped in this horrible world". I'll go over to another thing! I'm gonna go on about kids at school, these annoying ones going to these annoying poser parties to have "fun" and get "wasted", not caring that others are dying out there! Why spend time having fun when you can save those who aren't!? They just spend time going all under aged drinking, which is disgusting! If I found one alchohol in front of them, I'd show them real use of it for people at our age! I'd pour it every where and set it on fire, that's the real good use of alchohol, it's makes beautiful fire! But let's go back to the kids! I’m so sick of hearing about jocks and preps making life so uneasy for emo's, weaklings, loners, etc. and others who look different, or are different. I mean today I'm sat doing work while I hear and see some jocks chatting with some good looking girls (sluts, bitches going out with these abnoxious men who are on purpousley violent right in front of their eyes, I don't even understand those whores) about going to a house party, it annoys me real time, in my head and imagaination I'd love nothing more then to go to that house of this party and set it on fire and use the alchohol as molotovs while those jocks are screwing the preppy girls in a locked bedroom! It would be so beautiful, not to mention a good lesson to teach them, a good way to also punish them for leaving out loners and making fun of those very kids! I'm done now, I'm going to calm down for a bit, I think I'll write some feelings on my wall, it'll help big time for when I look back at these moments. But for now, I just need some rest, I'm tired...

Aug 26 2014, 01:49 PM

I just don't fucking get myself, as I walked past my fucking parents today with sadness on my face COMPLETELY visible, my mother is in a good mood and just says "hi" to me and then my father just yells at me saying it's not nice to say something back. And then I finally decided to stand up for myself as I fucking yelled at the two of them saying it's not nice to yell at someone who's showing symptoms of being sad, then my Dad says that you should just say, WHEN FUCKING EASILY they should be able to tell I'm sad and don't want to talk when I'm showing fully that I'm sad, and he makes fun of my long hair, calling it a barnet! My mom makes fun of me for not being a "MAN" seeing as I get upset over stupid things and there's no freaking point of it all. Then after a good long rage talk, my Mum constantly starts taunting me and calling me the things that I hate and the things that I'm fucking not, she thinks she knows me better than anyone, she thinks just cause she's my mother she see's my true self! She claims that I don't even care about other people's feelings and I only care and feel sorry for MYSELF!!!! I FUCKING YELLED AT HER FOR CLAIMING I AM A MAN OF "SELF AWARENESS" WHEN EVERY FUCKING DAY OF MY LIFE I HAVE EMOTIONS FOR EVERY BAD THING I DID TO MY FAMILY AND OTHER PEOPLE, THAT I CAN'T FORGIVE MYSELF OF THE THINGS I DID!!! I then begin to yell at her and tell her I think about other people everyday, about how I'm a burden to her and other people, how I'm a fucking loner on this planet, and all the other times I've apologized to her, as I storm out of the room and to up here in my room to write another feeling on my wall and type about this shit on this very entry right now! The last thing I said to her before storming out is "I'm sorry I was born an IDIOT!!!" fuck this world