The people who have crippled you
You want to see them burn
The gates of life have closed on you
And now there's just no return
You're wishing that the hands of doom
Could take your mind away Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, by Black Sabbath
Am I really fat?
Does everyone lie to me and say I'm pretty and healthy just to either get a laugh or try to make me feel good?
Am I just ugly and fat like they tell me?
Should I just hide and stay in hiding and let everyone see no part of me?
It would be best for everyone, wouldn't it?
Just to die off as nothing left of my dignity and pride. Shouldn't I just do that so I save people from being scarred for life?
Should I just forget about everything everyone has ever said to me that was a lie and the truth and just destroy my future from ever happening?
I never knew how to fix my body. It's broken, bruised and scratched. Who wants that for a life partner?
Who would want to date, let alone, be around someone who is mentally unstable and retarded and dumb?
Who would care if I left this earth?
Who even loves me?
I know I don't.
I never did.
I can't show my love for myself cuz there's nothing about me to love
I'm ugly, fat, broken, defeated, dead, scarred, stepped on, and just plain useless.
Who would want that?
Truthfully. I doubt there is anyone who really REALLY would want that for the rest of their life.
Don't you fucking love how when you try to fix something to make it right, you get ignored in the end? Yeah. If I'm the only one then it's fucking annoying. I'm done taking everyone's anger and letting it take me over. I'm so fucking done with people stepping over me cuz I'm weak. IM NOT MEANT TO BE TREATED LIKE SHIT. IM A FUCKING HUMAN BEING TOO. SO QUIT TREATING ME LIKE SHIT AND GIVE ME BACK MY REASONS WHY I DECIDED TO STAY ALIVE YEARS AND YEARS AGO
I don't feel like helping anyone about anything anymore. I can't solve anyone's problems and I obviously fail at trying to patch things up. So it's probably gonna be the end of my thoughts of being a person with a so called "mind, heart and soul". I'll just be a zombie within the walls of the Earth, with no clue how to make things work.
I'll just die along with the others who had faith in me becoming something and just fail like I always do. I am a useless piece of junk who doesn't have a heart nor mind, which explains why I can't fix anything. So in the end of today, I doubt I'll be the same person you met before. The same one who tried to help. I'll just be dead and alone, with broken bones
Might end up single tonight. Fucked up so badly and he will know if he reads his email. It's my first time ever fucking up this badly and I promised myself I wouldn't do it but I didn't realize til the day after that I messed up.
If I end up single, it will be because of me. If I don't it would be a major surprise that he even forgave me
