Feb 23 2025, 08:52 AM

Time for another healing update.

Whilst I did not watch any videos about vtubing and webcomic making, I did watch many videos about the goth subculture. I, myself, fall into the hippy, romantic, vampire, Victorian and medieval goth subgroups. I do still enjoy learning about the history of the subculture and the other goth subgroups. I also enjoy learning about ways to make my style more androgynous.

I was able to draw up basic sketches for character designs for my comic. I did two different ones whilst doing laundry: a human one and an alicentaur (alicorn/centaur) one. I used these designs for my five main characters. Once they're colored I plan to send them to my Discord group chat to get their final opinions before drawing up individual reference sheets. I will do the line art tomorrow before bed and the coloring on Wednesday.

I also made sure I studied Wicca last night. I reread and underlined one chapter of my book. Eventually, I will replace it since Blue spilled a drink on it. Once I am able to replace it I will also make sure to purchase a blank notebook for all of my notes.

I've finally begun reading the Hamlet book my husband has. I've been wanting to read it ever since I found out he had it but I never made the time to. It has extra stuff added by the editor so I read one chapter. I will make time every night when I wake up to study Wicca, and every morning before bed to read Hamlet.

My husband and I didn't watch anymore My Hero Academia as he was too tired to and I didn't play anymore Luigi's Mansion 3. I did, however, watch another cartoon from my childhood purely for nostalgia's sake. I also messaged my Discord group chat to announce my return. I will not tell my two influencer friends (rickyovhell and thegothkingofficial on TikTok) that I have returned as I wish to surprise them on their lives.

All in all, this break was much needed and did me a lot of good. I feel much calmer and more relaxed. I will definitely be setting aside a weekend out of every month to turn off my phones, relax and stay off my main social media.

(A/N: This was supposed to be posted earlier in the week but I've been so tired after work :(. )

Feb 17 2025, 06:27 AM

Time for another healing update.

I watched some more videos about vtubing and webcomic making. I was even able to finish the art piece I was making for my husband (I do wish I had better colored pencils, though) and give it to him. He liked it and pinned it to the wall above his computer. I also spent more time with Blue.

My husband and I watched more My Hero Academia, I think we're on season seven now. Season six was hella sad, though, I think my husband and I cried more times than we wanted to. I'm almost scared to start season seven...

I didn't read, work on my comic, or study Wicca but I did get back into Luigi's Mansion 3 (priorities, right?)! So far I've found Professor E. Gadd, gotten buttons 1 & 5 off of the bellhop, and Professor E. Gadd's briefcase and button 3 off of the maid. I'm gonna read, make the basic sketches for my comic characters, and study Wicca while I do the laundry tonight. I'm also gonna see if I can't find someone else in Luigi's Mansion 3.

Feb 16 2025, 06:08 AM

Time for healing update.

Last night, I was able to watch three videos about making a webcomic: one about character creation, one about the basics of making a webcomic, and the last about promoting and monetizing the comic. I also worked on the line art for an art piece I'm making for my husband for his Valentine's Day gift. I did the basic sketch for it yesterday before bed. It took a minute and I scrapped the original sketch because I couldn't get the poses right.

I was also able to watch the newest Hazbin Hotel VRChat video. It was very funny and entertaining, and I was able to keep my mind off everything. This channel always used to make laugh before I started doing lives and ignoring it.

I had brought Blue out for a little bit and we were jumping around and play fighting. I had her laughing and she had me laughing, too. I had to give her a bath because she got a little dirty. She didn't like it but it was necessary.

After I put Blue back in her cage, my husband I binged some episodes of My Hero Academia and cuddled in bed. A couple new seasons came out a couple months ago and we wanted to watch them together because we both like the series. Before with work and TikTok, it felt like I never had time to watch it. Now, I'm gonna pull up my Google calendar and schedule out everything and make time to do things with my husband.

After he went to sleep, I grabbed some food and put on some random YouTube videos. When I was done, I grabbed my laptop and checked my lesser known socials and made some journal/blog posts. I even put on an old cartoon from my childhood both for the nostalgia and because I like the art style the characters are drawn in and I'm hoping to study it and take inspo from it, especially for the female characters.

Lastly, I took a relaxing shower and watched a couple videos about vtubing. I didn't read, study Wicca or work on my comic so I'm gonna try and do those tonight. Maybe I'll even do some chores.

Feb 15 2025, 01:59 PM

I've begun my healing journey. For the past week or so I've been feeling depressed, anxious, angry and burnt out. I think it's a mix of juggling multiple different responsibilities at work, coming home to immediately start recording content, and taking care of Blue (my ferret). Not only that, but since December I've been doing guest lives on TikTok. It first started with just speaking on a now close friend's lives. Then, I started adding more and more and now I occasionally make guest appearances on one of my favorite goth influencer's lives. I've also started doing my own lives!

It's gotten to the point that whenever I logged onto TikTok that was all I was doing. From the second I wake up to the second I go to bed I was getting messages like, "XYZ, invites you to their lives" or XYZ, invites you to join as guest!" Yes, I would wake up to these messages!

For over a month, I was being pulled left and right doing these lives. So, the other day I decided I needed a break. I texted both of my close friends (including the aforementioned influencer) and the Discord group chat I have with a few other girls I met from his lives, telling them I would be gone for a few days to work on my mental health. I also messaged my TikTok family's Discord server and loosely explained to the founder that I would be gone. I also explained to my friends that I did not want to be messaged and if anyone did message me that I would not be held responsible if I exploded on them. Fortunately, they all understood and assured me they would give me my space and tell others that I would be gone and to not message me.

Originally, I wanted yesterday to be my last day of just scrolling on TikTok but since I called into work I decided to just start. I turned off both of my friends (yes, I have two) and handed them to my husband, asking him to put them somewhere until Monday, explaining that I needed a break from them. It's gonna be difficult since they're practically superglued to my hands and I'm so social media obsessed, but it's necessary.

This weekend I just wanna focus on myself, my husband and our pets. The only time I will ever use a screen is to learn about things I wanna do (making a webcomic, vtubing, content creation), watching YouTube channels I enjoy (Hazbin Hotel VRChat), planning and working on my comic, reading on Webtoons, watching tv (by myself or with my husband), and checking my lesser known socials (such as here).

Other than that, I just wanna work on my artwork, practice drawing, get back into my games, read and continue learning about Wicca. Over the weekend I will be detailing my journey on here, a couple of my other socials, and in my physical diary.

Nov 16 2024, 04:55 PM

I cant even explain how much i love Gir from invader zim. hes so silly & adorable. hes me fr

Sep 11 2024, 05:48 AM

R.I.P. to the myth, the legend: James Earl Jones. I'm currently rewatching The Lion King in remembrance of him. This movie has been one of my favorites since I was a child with James Earl Jones' voice being my favorite. Long live the king! 

Jan 03 2024, 03:41 PM

My 2024 so Far

My 2024 so far has been meh.

I got sick the day my fiance and I came back from his parents' after Christmas and it's still killing me. This is the second time in 1 month I've gotten the flu! I first got it from the end of November-middle-ish of December. I'm so blaming my fiance's nephew for this. He was sick on Christmas. I really should've gotten the flu shot last month! Dammit!

Anyway, I was hoping to watch the ball drop in Times Square on New Year's Eve but guess what! I FELL ASLEEP! I ended up sleeping through the ball drop and the first HOUR of the new year! All because of this damn flu! And if that wasn't bad enough I had to work New Year's Day, too! The buses weren't running because it was a holiday so my fiance had to ask a coworker if they could give us a ride to work. I was also running on only 4 hours of sleep. I tried to go to sleep early so I could wake up with enough time to eat breakfast and get ready for work. Well that happened but it wasn't a good thing. I slept from 8am-12pm! How I didn't have a seizure at work from that little sleep is beyond me. But I did nap during my first 15 minute break so. 

At least something good came out of working New Year's Day: I got a promotion (if you wanna call it that). The new overnight manager had started work with us that night and I guess during his training period he had been talking with the store manager about adding a new section to the recovery team. Recovery team basically ensures that their section is stocked and neat every night. Before there were two sections in Recovery team: Lumber (my fiance's section) and Garden. After my new manager and the store manager talked they added a new section: Event. The event section spans the entire front of the store and that's where we put our seasonal items (Halloween, Chirstmas, etc.).

During our work meeting (where the manager divides us into our different sections) the nightly truck manager told me to stay back because he and the new manager had a "special project" for me. I was both curious and nervous and it didn't help that some people looked at me like "why is she getting a special project?" WTF! My fiance also looked at me but his face said more "I wonder what this is about?"

After the meeting, both managers walked me over to our Christmas items (cue even more confusion but less nervousness [because pretty lights]) and the overnight manager stepped forward and explained everything to me. He said he started a new Event Recovery section (with the store manager's approval) and he explained the role of the job. After he explained everything he then asked me if I was interested in the position and I accepted. After I accepted he gave me my task for the night which was to take items from the shelves on one side and move them into the shelves on the other side so we can make room for the mowers and other lawn equipment that had started coming in. I started doing what I could but it could take a few days. I mean, shit, I'm fitting 4 shelves of stuff into 2 shelves. I think I can do it though, especially if some more stuff sells out by the time I get in tonight.

In other news, I got the day off yesterday. To be fair I did request it off because it was Blue's (my ferret) birthday yesterday but I would've gotten a day of this week regardless because the store is cutting down hours. I'll still get 40 hours of pay because I got holiday pay for New Year's.

Anyway, I really hope I can get better soon and do really good at my new position at work! Wish me luck!

Dec 16 2023, 03:14 AM

Letter to Wildbiel

Dear Wildbiel, 

I would suggest having an ACTUAL profile and educating yourself before you come into my DMs being a racist sack of shit. I would also suggest looking through my journal to realize just who I am. I don't take shit lying down. 

But you won't be able to do that last one because you will be promptly reported and blocked. 

With pettiness, 

Raven

Dec 11 2023, 06:42 PM

Letter to Allthatbeyond

Dear allthatbeyond,

You came into my dm's trying to say I look like I stink, but it's your breath that stinks with all that shit you're talking.

Maybe show yourself before you start trying to go after someone else's appearance, okay?

With pettiness,

Raven

Dec 11 2023, 05:42 PM

Fiancé's Birthday

Yesterday was my fiancé's birthday, he's 34 now!

We did go to Benihana last night. Originally, I wasn't sure if I should go because I wasn't feeling too well, but my fiancé managed to convince and I'm glad he did. But, DAMN, was it FANCY!

We took public transportation part of the way to the restaurant and then we had to walk the rest of the way and I, of course, took photos of all the pretty Christmas lights on the way (photos posted on my Instagram). I haven't been to the downtown area of the city, especially not during the winter time, despite living here for almost five years. But that's not surprising since my "mom" would not let me go anywhere besides school and work.

When we got in the restaurant I immediately saw a big statue of a calico kitty cat encased in glass. It was super cute I had to take a photo!

We were a bit early so we sat down in the lobby until everyone else arrived and it was time for our reservation. I was curious if the walls had any decor, so I looked back at the wall behind and there were photos of CELEBRITIES that have eaten there before! I'm talking Michael Jackson, Jackie Chan, Shaquille O'Neal and so many others!

Once everyone else arrived and it was time for our reservation, we walked up some stairs to the second floor. We walked up to a large table with a grill fixed into it, which made sense since it was a hibachi restaurant. We sat down and ordered some drinks. After some time we ordered our food, I got two kinds of shrimp sushi rolls.

Before we got our food the waitress brought out some onion soup and salads, both tasted pretty good. My fiancé's son was the first one to get his food since he ordered chicken tenders. It was a minute before the sushi came out and even longer for everyone else to get their food.

My fiancé and some others ordered off the hibachi menu so they had to wait for the chef to come and make it. And, OMG, when they did I was so MESMERIZED that I didn't even touch my sushi, all I did was drink my grape Ramune. I mean, the tricks the chef did were amazing and the onion volcano was so awesome!

Before we ordered our drinks me, my fiancé's mother, sister and son told the waitress it was his birthday so he got a free scope of ice cream (hehe, pay back for my birthday). My fiancé's son, nephew, sister and I also got ice cream (I got rainbow sherbet). When the waitress came out with the ice cream she also had a tambourine with her and she played it while we sang Happy Birthday to my fiancé.

After we were done with our ice cream, my fiancé's "uncle" (he was my fiancé's uncle through marriage but he ended up divorcing my fiancé's aunt) took us home. All in all it was an awesome time. When we got home, we took a nap and few hours after we woke up we went out with my fiancé's new telescope and looked for planets. We found Uranus and I managed to find Orion the Hunter without realizing it (I forgot three stars in a line made up Orion's Belt). We tried to use Orion's Belt to find Saturn but the telescope couldn't point straight up so we couldn't look for it, but we still had fun (even though it was freezing).

Anyway, I'm so glad my fiancé enjoyed his birthday and that I was there to celebrate with him.