Sometimes I think about who I should believe
The people who are dead or the people who are free
Sometimes I hear them as they whisper to me
I try to stay awake so I won't die in my sleep
And I was quick to take a second look through
The window on the door of the operating room
And the adrenaline, it threw my eyes
To the table on the floor where the patients lie
I saw his face and I could not speak
As the anesthetic kissed his cheek
I felt my lips go cold and my limbs go weak
Because the body on the table where the patients die was me
It was me
Give me back my oxygen mask
Cause I don't want to feel the walls of my heart collapse
So put me under
I would sooner die on this table
Than face what causes me to be so unstable
[The Art Of Anesthesia- SayWeCanFly]
Story"Stories have been told that this is true other than a legend. Yet this story isn't a true experience, its still based on other stories."
It was a normal afternoon
I'm here in my house
Doing my usual routine
Watch Tv, write in my journal
Anything that gets my mind off of things
All of a sudden
Someone knocks on my door
I get confused yet nervous
I head to the front of the door
I look through the peephole
A little girl stood outside
She had a hood over her head
And at the same time
Her bangs were over her face
Shivers crawl up my spine
I didn't hesistate to open the door
But I only left a crack only revealing my face
"May I help you?" I asked
Her head tilted up only an inch
"Can I come in?" she replied
I looked at her with concern
I asked myself ""She's only little. Why did she ask me that? Where's her parents?"
Before I could ask, I saw her posture
Nervous and scared
She kept moving her fingers
She was keeping something
"Where's your parents? I asked
She ignored my question
"Please help me. Please let me in" she requested
I didn't quite understand why she kept asking me that
I stared at her with silence
I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of her
Something buzzed in me
Controlling me and my thoughts
I wanted to open the door for her
I took a step back
Not focusing on what I was doing
I slowly opened the door
Mostly accepting her invitation
After she took a step into my house
I came back to my senses
I shook and scared to know what to do next
"I'm sorry. I can't help" I said nervously
And slowly closed the door
As the door was fully closed
I couldn't dare to look out again
A little bit after
I had bravery to look through the peephole
No figure was there
My heart went back to its natural beat
I was relieved to know that she was gone
Was she one of them?
Was it reality?
Is she real?
The Blacked Eyed Children
Fake Friendship"I hate you" "I never liked you from the beginning".. Why would you say that and how can I believe that from all of the things you did for me?? Why did you sit by me whenever I go on the bus first?? Why did you give me a drawing from out of the blue of my favorite anime?? Why did you show up to my 16th birthday party and gave me gifts?? Why are you always around me whenever I'm with my friends?? Why would you invite me to walk with you to the woods after school?? And the one thing that I want to know the most is out of all of the girls that asked you, why did you choose me to go to the winter dance with you??? Was that fake too or was that just for my pleasure?? You don't know how much it hurts to hear you laugh with others because I'm trying to make you believe that I'm okay but its a pain to even smile at my own freakin friends. You're around the friends that I freakin introduced you to but now whenever you're around them, I can't even go near them until you leave.. Why did you have to do this to me?? Just because I'm annoying??? There's going to be more people that are "annoying" in your life so why am I the one to be shut out?? Not just that, how am I suppose to know saying "I love all of you" would affect them.. I DIDN'T!! You told me that even if a part of you was gone, I would forget about you and not talk to you.. I wouldn't have never said that if you didn't tell me that!! You even know that I don't know anything at all about them because I'm a Christian. I learn about everything related to God and sins, THAT'S IT!! NOTHING ELSE!!!I care about you!! For saying it was a fake friendship, it's not the friendship that was fake. It was you! I had the right of thinking all of it was real because of how you were acting throughout the whole thing. I keep freakin woke up crying and I'm tired of it already!! You know I'm suicidal, I've told you before. Have you seen my wrists??? You were the reason I stopped... What am I suppose to do now?? You were one out of 3 people that I trusted the most and now I can't even trust anyone when they tell me "it's going to be okay" or "you'll move on". The one thing that I didn't do when we were friends was lie to you. I never lied throughout that whole friendship. I didn't even lie about who I was. I didn't lie about anything because I knew that I can tell you the truth, but yet it hits me in the face when you say that to me... I remember even the very little things what you wouldn't have thought I remembered. "I entered your life as a story and now I'm leaving as a legend in your life" I remember that!! That was how much this friendship meant to me!!... I don't know what to do other than be alone and shut everyone out because I don't want to get hurt again... Why?... Why did you do this to me??.... (J)Amnesia- 5 SoS
I want to forgive you... but aren't you going to do the same thing all over again?.. I've given you chance by chance by chance for the same stupid things and i actually thought that you changed my thoughts of her of changing.. now I feel so stupid for believing that. Haha... you're so clever.. making me believe things that aren't even true.. your excuses for everything.... Didnt think i would figure that out?... I get news about you as fast as you think.... I don't know what to believe anymore... I don't what this friendship to be about lies anymore.. I don't want to doubt everything that you say to me..... you told me you would change her ways but yet, it just seems like you're just the way she was back then... tell me the truth this one time.. Why did you to it?.. Why did she join in?... How will I know what you say is the truth now?...
I live in a place of lies. No truth is spoken by the ones I trust the most. When can I actually someone that wouldn't give me pain? My household isn't even a place that I can be myself. Everywhere I go, I feel guilt. I cry just to let everything get to me. Everyone makes me mad everyday with the little things they say... My depression cuts deeper... My anxiety grows.. I don't know what to feel anymore other than the scars on my skin..
Other than demons
I'm just a monster inside
I have no place anywhere I am
yes, I'm energetic, it doesn't mean I'm always happy
yes, I get compliments, it doesn't mean I'm perfect
I have nothing
Anyone that I once trusted stabbed me in the back
I trust not many people
Only the friends that are close to me
But theres always the one person that I trust anyways
even when they hurt me the most.
What's wrong with me?
Why do I do this all of the time?
Unanswered questions should just stay unanswered for me I guess