Sep 23 2019, 07:46 AM

Sure, I don't reply to messages as soon as I get them or open them. Yes, that probably isn't a polite thing to do, leaving the other person hanging, waiting for a response. But I feel that it should be justified and respected when you don't respond right away after opening a text. Sometimes a person needs time to come up with the proper response, or just to generally mentally prepare, because talking to people can get pretty exhausting from time to time. Especially if you're constantly busy on weekdays and just wanna relax on the weekends with no interruptions from anybody, not even friends. I think I'm ever so slowly becoming an introvert. It doesn't bother me as much as it did back then, not having people to talk to. In fact, I cherish every moment I get alone, because I need my personal time every so often. Just so I have some sense of stability. Man, this entry is kinda ranty. Thats cringe. Ew. K, I feel better now that I said it though. I'm getting annoyed of people who always demand a reply asap.... and that's embarrassing for me, because I used to be that annoying person. Smh. Well at least I'm changing for the better of not only myself but for others too. Idk what I'm saying now. I mean, me keeping to myself should make people happy, right? So I'm not being such a bother to anyone. Holy shit I should shut up now hahahaha fuck now I'm literally being annoying fs. Goodbye. I'm just procrastinating more so I don't have to think about my essay. Am so dumb.

Sep 20 2019, 01:01 AM

I’m sorry Above all, I am sorry. I don’t know why I hurt all the time But I’m the one to blame Things can never be the same I’m broken and I’m selfish Why am I so goddamn selfish I know I’m greedy I’m starving I’m sick I’m so fucking needy But I know that I’m good Somewhere inside me They never understood How hard it can be When you’re suffering Especially emotionally I’m sorry I honestly cannot imagine That you could ever forgive me Because not even I Can begin to forgive me Something inside me is wrong My brain or body or soul I’ve felt this wrong so long I don’t remember feeling okay Or whole I just wanna go... leave... don’t leave me alone... please....

Sep 12 2019, 07:19 AM

I'm currently just procrastinating because I have homework due tomorrow and I don't find it very interesting atm. My brain prefers to be stuck, thinking about a guy I'll probably never get to be with again. Not an ex-boyfriend, but an ex-something. We were friend's for years, never once tried to get together, because we were always just friends. Not until recent, well, it's not so recent now I suppose. We had a thing going for a few months, before he decided he didn't want me anymore. Though I can't stop thinking about him, even knowing he doesn't care for me. Why can't I stop thinking about him? God, I feel like I'm 12 years old again, crying over a boy who didn't like me back. I also feel like an idiot, for allowing myself to go through these ridiculous ranges of emotions. I know, school is important, so I should finish my assignment. I just wish I wasn't so fucking hurt over a jerk who only played with my feelings. So maybe I'll just smoke away the bad thoughts. It usually works, for a while.