Sep 16 2017, 03:03 PM

Things have changed! That girl I talk about in all these journal entries her name is Isabel. things are so different with us then before. She still has a girlfriend but she is in love with me. she told me. I didn't think anyone really loved me but she makes me feel loved. I don't know how it is possible for her to make me forget about the fact that 3 weeks ago I wanted to die. she makes me happy. like really happy. We hung out yesterday but two of my sisters wanted to come with me which kind of ruined it. I just want to be alone with her. Tomorrow we will be alone I think. we are going to go sit at an empty park and do whatever. that sounds completely stereotypical and lame so I don't know why the thought appeals to me. I haven't gotten the chance to kiss her because people are always with us but I am positive I will kiss her tomorrow. months ago when we first realized we liked each other more than friends, that scared the shit out of me. I didn't know I liked girls until her. And so many times I would spend the night at her house and have this plan to finally have this perfect kiss I had been planning in my head but I always got too scared. I am NOT scared anymore. So yeah hopefully I will get to see her tomorrow.

Sep 04 2017, 12:38 AM

dirty talk is interesting. especially when I am doing it with a girl who has a girlfriend. I cant believe she is seriously cheating on her with me. today she told me that when she was kissing her she was thinking of me. I love the thrill of having to sneak around. I love the fact that we cant get caught.

Sep 02 2017, 04:58 AM

Wow ok well that girl I talk about, my old best friend who we almost like dated. Yeah, her. Well she most definitely is cheating on her girlfriend with me so that's cool. I love fucking up peoples relationships.

Sep 01 2017, 11:00 AM

It's finally Friday. School this week actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I talked to a ton of new people which is really surprising. This new school is definitely better than my old school. I am super tired though. I hate waking up early. But yeah this week hasn't been too bad.

Aug 28 2017, 03:47 AM

well its my birthday in 20 minutes. 16 now. another year alive but I don't want to be alive. fuck I wanna die. people tell me that I shouldn't think the way I do and that I matter but I don't see how I do. I don't know, birthdays are always just depressing for me. Why was I even born if I was going to hate my life so much? School starts today which honestly gives me so much anxiety. I don't know anyone. Why cant I just lock myself in my room and never come out. so yeah I already know today is going to be extra shitty. why was I even born. way to go parents, way to go dad you couldn't have just pulled out. Okay I need to shut up and go to bed. peace.

Aug 27 2017, 07:36 PM

I don't really see the point in living. I mean my life is pretty fucking pointless. I have nobody, and yeah I like it that way but if I don't have anyone then why even keep trying? Everyone around me always looks so happy and they have family or friends. I don't have that. I have no clue what that even feels like. I don't think I have ever been really happy. I have pretended to be happy multiple times but never actually happy. I know my problems are so small and that there are terrible things in the world but I don't feel like being alive so its kind of significant to me.

Aug 24 2017, 05:00 AM

Yikes so my ex boyfriend and ex girlfriend are friends now. That is so weird. like what do they even talk about? Probably me which is even weirder. I broke up with the guy because he was annoying and was obsessed with me and I broke up with the girl because she didn't care enough. I am sure they have plenty to talk about though.

Aug 21 2017, 02:12 AM

I have gotten so bad. I am more depressed than I used to be. I cut myself. Havent done that shit in a while. I was so angry last night. I was angry and sad and overwhelmed and cutting was the only thing I could think of to let it all out. School starts in a week and I am so scared. It is a new school and I don't know anyone and I am already fucking so uncomfortable being around people. Everyone is going to judge me. Everyone always judges me. Whatever life is pointless and I hate everything about it.

Aug 13 2017, 05:55 AM

Been a while. I have been busy being miserable. I start school In a few weeks. A girl who I used to talk to has a girlfriend but still wants to make out with me. actually used to talk to is an understatement. She was my best friend for 4 years and we started liking each other more than friends. Long story short that crashed and burned. But she still wants me I guess. I mean I am pretty irresistible.(that was sarcasm I am actually a fucking ass hole) But I mean I am a piece of shit cause I plan on fucking up her relationship cause I know she wants me. Whatever nobody will find out.

Jul 23 2017, 01:06 AM

I am extremely bored. I am hopefully hanging out with my friend Evan soon. I guess today wasn't as bad as the last couple days. Evan and I both liked this girl but she kinda fucked us both over, so we are friends now? It was super random when he first texted me. I mean I almost dated her like a couple months ago but she didn't like me being depressed and made fun of me for it so I stopped talking to her. and then her and evan were kind of talking but she decided she would rather date some girl lauren so she just stopped talking to him. Yeah she's a bitch. Lots of annoying drama that I am glad I don't have to deal with anymore.