Feb 26 2016, 03:36 AM

I dont know why I havent put any of my writing or anything here yet probably because I know no one will read it. Just like how I know no one is reading this now but whatever. Today made me think about one of the many issues I have in my life Im not one to open up unless Im writing. If I ever do post anything on here most of it comes directly from shit Ive had to deal with. This one though is one I havent had to deal with yet but will in the next few years God willing. Not that Im in a rush to have more problems but this one is different from the rest. For those of you who dont know Im a transguy with a sorta girlfriend. Which to be honest is complicated enough as it fucking is but anyway one of my goals is to find someone to be happy with. You know the classic bullshit of marrying and having a family but we're gonna have a lot of problems knowing my past luck with anything. She has a disorder that stunted her growth and gave her some other issues and I dont care about that you know? I love her as she is just like she loves me with all my bullshit. Its just with most people that has what she does they cant have kids and I really want to with her. We dont know for sure if she'll have problems but I have a feeling we will which really sucks. I mean after everything we've had to go through in our lives we might not even get that happiness that so many others do. In the end though we'd be happy as long as we can be together but that still hasn't happened either. She's a thousand miles away and I dont know when I can see her for the first time we've tried four times in the past but it always goes to shit. Mostly because my parents cant keep their sticky fucking fingers off my savings. Nothing in my life is simple everything is always a mess I mean she isn't even technically my girlfriend which is a whole other complicated web of bullshit to explain... At this point I dont feel like saying much else I said too much already but then again no ones reading so Im fine. Eli

Feb 24 2016, 04:27 PM

I dont know why but for the first time I dont feel a poem in me. Theres no lyrical way that can describe the crippling stress that I have to deal with on a daily basis. No verse can make my story relate able if its not no one can understand what they dont want to. Thats just the way of the world everyone is selfish and no one wants to understand how anyone else feels. Thats why I dont open up to anyone well I just decided not to try anymore since no one cared. I cant find a lyric that can make my life sound more like yours. There really are none my life is my life just like your life is yours. As a writer I always wanted anyone who read my work to be able to make themselves into my characters. To be able to feel how they feel and I write that way because I remember what its like not to. Sometimes people dont wanna feel anymore you dont need the burden. Take it from me though there was a long time I was numb to everything and you dont want that. Sometimes you can still feel numb but it wont last. Believe me thats a good thing. I wont make up some catchy rhymes to get you to pay attention to what Im saying. You do what you want but just know that if in some magical way the life I hide in my stories and poetry somehow makes you feel better. Then just know thats why I do what I do to help others so they wont have to feel like I have. Eli