May 30 2015, 08:52 AM

Well i guess that it is time for me too update my journal of my life atm :P These past like 8 months has been a rollercoaster from hell and too happiness and then down too hell and it continues like that... I dunno why my break up with my latest ex made me soo depressed and i still am that.. well our relationship was stormy as hell .. with threats and other nasty stuff made towards me and things i never thought would happen to me . -.-" I have no idea how i always seem to attract the most damaged and dangerous towards me :/ this song sure seems up my life ahah >.< Well i am still fighting through my shitty life and has tremendous support from my granny and her hubby ( i live with them atm because i cant live at my apartment because of bad stuff that happened there between me and my ex.. I have trie to take my life numerous times these pasts months by self-harming, mixing sleeping meds with alcohol/central stimulantia drugs/energy drinks but nothing works ( which is good i suppose) :P I am also in need of being on really have sleeping/ anti-psychotic drugs to make me sleep to forget all the bad stuff i had been through last year... I do know that i should have been contacting the police about some of those serious stuff but i am still afraid of my ex bf and what he would have done if i would have been doing that... Well i do hope that i will get better real soon ... and will soon get a special kind of theraphy that will help me get rid of my need to self harm when i feel depressed(u people that thinks that self harm will solve anything , u r all wrong that only makes stuff worse and u end of getting nasty scars... NEVER DO THAT or try drugs...!) I can say that have tried some narcotics with alcohol numerous times last year and r on heavy sedative drugs atm because of my high level of anxiety so it have gotten as to that my heart has been affected a little somewhat so that i will be needing to have a pulse/blood pressure meter for a few days soon to monitor how high my pulse is during more than 24 hours and may be needing light heart medication to calm down my high pulse that i have always nowadays(its not fun hearing that u may need to have that when u r as young as i still am) To everyone here that knows me kind off and too the people on here that i do know IRL ... i <3 you guys soo much <3 and thanks for being there too support me when i am at my worst <3 I am possibly sure that not many reads this journal entry lol but yeah i just needed to write my feeling down somewhere :) Peace and love to y'all <3333 xxxxx

Oct 14 2014, 03:03 PM

<b>My boyfriend just broke up with me by blocking me on facebook.. i knew this was maybe coming but not like that... :( I deserved some answer and will get it.. i am still having stuff at his place.. Still.. i deserve better than that after all he did to me.. :'( Grrr.. i dont need shit like this in my life... </3

Jun 04 2014, 03:28 PM

This song really relates to how i feel about My boyfriend and i Will never leave him no matter how bad his epelepsy may Will be in the future <3 I Will always do My best when it comes to love <3 Let me be your hero Would you dance If I asked you to dance? Would you run And never look back? Would you cry If you saw me crying? And would you save my soul, tonight? Would you tremble If I touched your lips? Would you laugh? Oh please tell me this. Now would you die For the one you loved? Hold me in your arms, tonight. I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away. Would you swear That you'll always be mine? Or would you lie? Would you run and hide? Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? I don't care... You're here tonight. I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away. Oh, I just want to hold you. I just want to hold you, oh, yeah. Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind? Well, I don't care... You're here tonight. I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away the pain, oh, yeah. I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away. I can be your hero. I can kiss away the pain. And I will stand by you forever. You can take my breath away. You can take my breath away. I can be your hero.

Apr 05 2014, 03:21 PM

I am sooooooooooooooooooooo damn happy atm hehe I never thought that i would ever be crushing soo hard on a guy ever again .... :') I had almost lost hope on love.. But match.com was worth every damn penny in finding this guy :D OMFG... he is perf .. and we will neet up soon hehe :P he is an it geek ( the most attractive a career a guy can have in my opinion), soo damn cute and sexy and beautiful :P, and has the cutest swedish accent that a person in sweden can have :P, he seems kind and etc .... nad arent just after sex :O well.. he even offered to go see Avenged Sevenfold with me because i would be go alone otherwise .-. On another note... there were 2 guys who wanted tooo come and meet me yesterday :P and told them not now :O they were hot as fuck thou both of them :P stilll i have a crush on that guy i mentioned earlier anyway :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD i will see when i meet him in the end of this month of he is as an amazing person as i think he is :DDDD <3 And if soo then i will treat him like a prince :D <3 YES.. im sooo hyper now anyway :P this song fits my mood atm :DDD

Apr 01 2014, 02:58 PM

Just soo people know i wont ever again really go on the SOEMO chat! -.- I am tiiired of the fucking trolls and they just keeps getting more of them... They werent anything like that just 4 years .... I guess with more popularity there comes more .... trolls >_> I am not the only person on here that r getting tiired of all the trolls thou.... it makes this site look really bad .. And for some chat mods on here ...some of them shouldnt be mods at all .. since they wont give a fuck about troling even when IT gets too over the line .. I know only like 3 of all the mods that r just.. the others r just trolling themselves -.- I know i am a chat mod but i cant kick for some reason :L anyways.. its really such a shame for all the people i could have helped on the chat.. "too bad soo sad" for them :p I will still be active on the forums thou and if some people wants to talk to me on here do it by pm or comments on my profile... I have some on facebook.. but not many.. i am not adding that much people anymore.. and i am constantly deleting people on there ! to end this .. I dont need nasty trolls on here that picks down on people in order too boost up their own poor self-esteem xD To u people.. u r just pathetic -.- , childish and etc... I dont need more reasons too cut myself again like i did last tuesday because of nasty people on here ... I dont wanna get my own family worried even more ....! and i dont want for my left leg too get any more scars than it already has :/ ...Sometimes its best too leave when things makes u unhappy and thats what i choose too do regarding the chat on the site! xxxx love to the people on here that actually stands up for me while other FUCKING assholes r hating on me .. u people know who u r! xxx

Mar 30 2014, 01:10 PM

hm what too write today :PPP well it has been a good day indeeed ... I got inspiration too be drawing again :DDDD well... lol at a person that looked at my drawing on a in flames thingy not knowing what it was and i had too tell them the whole story behind them and why they r awesome! XD .... hm.. it really annoys me with ALL FUCKING people asking me if i have kik.... i dont have that and i will never get it .... RANT over >.> i love having challenges for myself.. regarding both physical and psychological ones.. :P like i have been listening too In Flames .. since like before lunch time and wil do until midnight :D too see how much i realy love their music.. and i havent got tiiired of it :P Oh yeh.. woooo i will see Avenged Sevenfold in the end of june :DDDDDD ..the only thing that sucked was that the tickets were kind of expensive :P but i mainly just go too 1 gig a year.. because its soo expensive here in Sweden too see artists/groups live :L hm.. i am beginning to lose some weight already but yeah my way of dieting arent something that i recommend for others too do thou! 1 meal a day(fish or chicken course) and lots of fruits and nuts .. and only be drinking sparkling water and some wine in the weekends :L The good thing with this warm weather that r coming .. r that i dont get hungry at all :L... when it comes too my depression then its getting better c: and those thoughts of self-harming r gone.. I am really happy and cant say this enough too u people on here like : Kate, Matt, Nigel, Lizzy .. yeh mainly those... u wil always have a special place in my heart ! and i am always missing u ! <3 I do know that i have that bad tendency of being not logged onto either fb or here for long periods.. and i do know that i worry some people by doing so.. The reason why i do that is that i cant stand social media like fb and such much when i am really depressed and i dont really wanna bother too many people with my problems .-. I will never really give up on life .. no matter how depressed i am because i have the close support of my family and relatives .. that prevents me from doing too bad stuff too myself....! lets change subject :L... ehm... xD ... i dunno really how many people there r on here that actually reads my journal thou .. prolly not that many since i tend toooo write really long entries xDDDD This is the only site where i do write down my feelings and such..well on here and on a swedish metal site ! xP hm... well i do hope that i get too seee a certain guy at my own place quite soon :D .. someone who i took a train too meet last year :P I have almost convinced him too move over here.. GO ME :O! well i may like this guy xPP despite him biting me... randomly LOL xD well people who skate + gaming geek= perf in my opinion c: + long black hair *.* <3 .... anyways .. i hate all the fucking old men 35+ that hits on me online and even sometimes irl.. that grosses me out!!! -.- i dunno what it is with my looks that makes them think that its ok to hit on me! well i only give them the evil eye and they walk away :D hm .. and yes i dunno why i added some guy from my past on fb that meant a lot too me xD.. maybe because... i wanna meet him again i suppose.. if people around me knew that i had contact with him again then they would be disappointed in me :P Well its my life and nooo fuck was given that day :O I am tiired of people really close too me that thinks that i cant take of.. my economy and such -.-! hm.. ohhh yes .. I gotta go too starbucks tomorrow :P i really crave some kind of skinny latte or whatevs :P oh yes XD i will goo and buy myself a totoro plushie .. stuffed thingy :D also soon \o.o/ time too end this journal entry and if u have read this long then congrats too u :P blessed by and peace... xxxxxxxxxxxxx love too almost all of u xxxxxxxxxxxx <3

Mar 29 2014, 07:45 AM

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays MY granny is the best really :DDDDDDDD ^.^ She knows how much i love the city of Lübeck (northern parts og ze Germany) and she said that we should gooooo over there for soon for like 4 days *.* I am literally happy as can beeeeeee *jumps up and down* :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD Its things like that , that make me feel slowly better :DDDDDDDDDDDD As some people may have noticed on fb ( for the few on here that has me on there) well my dream is too move to Germany in 2020 or something =)... i dunno.. but the living standards over there r amazing and the food high quality too and etc... I am trying too learn german atm.. too and will try too take a course in it this autumn :3 I am partly german and i have always felt that i am supposed too move over there :D I cant be truly happy here in Sweden because of too many bad memories soo yeh :3 anyways... i cant barely until i will be able too help my dad clean of his big sailing boat and be able too take it too the waters and too be out on the sea again :DDDDDD Being on the sea always calms me down :') anyways.... I AM SOO HYYYPER RIGHT NOW.. <3 life is getting better... yays <33333 there can only be good things too come my way now <3 peace and blessed be xxxx love tooo all of u xxxxxxxxxxxx :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Mar 28 2014, 04:10 PM

Hm i thought going on the soemo chat yet again .. that people would have changed...well.. clearly not -.-!!! Still as many trolls and assholes that doesnt have a fucking proper.... education in having manners ! i am glad that i have spent most years of my life in company of old people .. u can learn soo much from them! Anyways.. i would not be coming on the chat again.. for sometime.. because my mental health is on a very thin line.. atm btw harming myself (when i get hate on me) or trying to be happy surrounding myself with people who r worried about my well being ... <3 I know i should just ignore it.. but i cant .-. people trolling on me or r having a go at me online and irl .. just brings up all the bad memories of all the times when i were bullied for not being pretty enough, not thin enough and etc... I need too think of my own well being more .. but i will always be helping people! because i am addicted too doing that :) I am happy that i got a spot of volunteering too help young girls with self-confidence issues and etc.. and too be starting a special program for that purpose in the end of next month :DDDDDDD <33333 There r sooo many heartless people in the society these days who only thinks about themselves !!! My dad is a really successful swedish liberal democrat.. who has got may awards locally and writes debating articles all the time... He is my inspiration in life and i myself r a member of the young swedish liberal democrats.. and proud too be soo :) I do know that not may people in the Uk r hapy about Nick Clegg as a leader for the Uk liberal democrats.. well i support everything liberal no matter of its in Sweden, the uk or in the US .. <3 People should have the power not the goverment ! :P OMG.. i always write such long journal entries :O.. My goal in life is too stand up for the poor,homeless, disabled and mentally ill people on todays society! <3 So i will prolly be more involved in politics more later in this year and such.. I am already hated because i have such strong opinions about just about everything .... well i couldnt care less .. really... I am who i wanna be and if people doesnt respect that then .. they can just leave me alone >.> peace and blessed be all xxxxxxxx love always c: <3 xxx

Mar 28 2014, 03:55 PM

1000 meere by Tokio Hotel <3 ( i dunno why but this song gets too me soo much atm O,o) <3 Die StraЯen leer Ich dreh mich um Die Nacht hat mich verloren Ein kalter Wind Die Welt erstarrt Die Sonne ist erfroren Dein Bild ist sicher Ich trag's in mir Ьber 1000 Meere Zurьck zu dir Zurьck zu uns Wir dьrfen unseren Glauben nicht verlieren Vertrau mir Wir mьssen nur noch 1000 Meere weit Durch 1000 dunkle Jahre ohne zeit 1000 Sterne zieh'n vorbei Wir mьssen nur noch 1000 Meere weit Noch 1000-mal durch die Unendlichkeit Dann sind wir endlich frei Irgendwo ist der Ort Den nur wir beide kennen Lief alles anders als gedacht Der Puls in den Adern Ist viel zu schwach Doch irgendwie schlagen uns die Herzen durch die Nacht – Vertrau mir Wir mьssen nur noch 1000 Meere weit Durch 1000 dunkle Jahre ohne zeit 1000 Sterne zieh'n vorbei Wir mьssen nur noch 1000 Meere weit Noch 1000-mal durch die Unendlichkeit Dann sind wir endlich frei Niemand und Nichts nehmen wir mit Und irgendwann schau'n wir auf jetzt zurьck 1000 Meere weit 1000 Jahre ohne Zeit Noch 1000 Meere weit 1000 Sterne zieh'n vorbei Vorbei Lass dich zu mir treiben Ich lass mich zu dir treiben Wir mьssen nur noch 1000 Meere weit Durch 1000 dunkle Jahre ohne zeit 1000 Sterne zieh'n vorbei Wir mьssen nur noch 1000 Meere weit Noch 1000-mal durch die Unendlichkeit Dann sind wir frei Lass dich zu mir treiben Ich lass mich zu dir treiben

Mar 26 2014, 05:54 PM

GRRR some assholes on here .. annoys me soo much Just leave me alone for once!!! -.- anyways its good for me that i can distract myself by listening to music when i feel like i do atm too prevent myself for harming myself again...