Mar 25 2014, 04:07 PM

blaaah..... people thinks that it is soo easy.. getting out of a depression and self-harming....but the addiction too self-harming gets over my head...especially when i am atm without my anti-depressants... i hate it ....... and people around me r as always getting tiired of me as a person.... saying i should snap out of it and just be happy.... I am not proud too say that i self-harmed tooday .. once again... :/ people around me just gets disappointed in me blaming me for being like this saying u r just worthless, be more social, be more like ur cousins and etc... People say it wont get better.. well it doesnt.. i have no job.. not a proper education .. dropped out of college the last year before i could finish it... I dont trust people easily because soo many people has stabbed me in the back..... I have been and r still at times bullied . saying i should hang myself because i am ugly... I have never felt really pretty despite what people says too me about being soo.... The one and only person really who keeps me from hurting myself in a fatal way... is my dad <3 ... if i ever did that then it would break him..... I dunno what kind of future i want and i cant really see how things could get better.... Too people reading this DONT hurt urself because i do... self-harm is wrong!... u who have read all of this..,through thanks for doing so..... love to the few people on here who really cares about me <3

Mar 24 2014, 03:22 PM

I really hate all people on the chat on here who take trolling waaay too much on tooo the level where they fucking doesnt listen too when other people tells them to stop?! I know that i can be a bit over sensitive atm.. while being depressed .. but stilll.. GRRRRRRRRRR! -.- Some people needs to fucking get some manners but i guess that their parents didnt get them to learn that ... whatevs xDD anyway ... as long as i know who my real friends on here r :) and i will try to not anymore be oversharing when i am too depressed and be more private ..soo just be talking to some people on here.. i love u guys and u know who u r <3...

Mar 06 2014, 01:39 PM

Well as some of u people on here knows then i will not be on the chat or write much on this site because of my very DEEP depression and shit that i am in and has been in for many months -.-" I will try to write out some of the stuff that happens in my life on here in this journal thou... I really hate my life... I hate being on so much anti-depressants and will be forced to take some more meds next week to make myself more like a zombie :/... I am just tired of life in general.. I have also been cutting almost every day for some weeks now and no matter what people says then i cant stop doing it.. I dont really see much of future for me... I am also trying to stop being addicted to energy drinks and have been starting smoking for SOME fucked up reason but i am trying to stop doing that... I am always thinking of different methods to hurt myself in a really bad way.... (U people that r reading this should urself NOT BE CUTTING AND SUCH) cutting r problally the hardest addiction for me to really get rid of... :/ People around me says that it should be easy for u to quit.. think of ur skin and etc... i know i look ugly .. not just on the inside but on the inside too.... The few things that makes worth living is my dad and the rest of my family and some relatives especially my granny ( that helps me a lot atm) and some of my Uk friends <3 I could tell on here what goes on in my head >-< but i wont do it... i doesnt wanna too many people with my problems... Its only my closest ones ( family and relatives) that needs to know what goes on truy soo that they can keep an eye on me ...that sounds silly but i will sure try to cut myself when i am alone too the point soo that i need to have people come over a few times to me .. -.- I fear that i will not come out of this depression.. at all without hurting myself ... badly..... I also had to sell my bunny some months ago because i couldnt take care of him anymore.... :'( well if u read all of this then.. Thanks for doing it... <3 and this is the only site where i will try to write some days a week of my life... xxxxxxxxxx love to all of u xxxxxx <3

Mar 02 2014, 03:37 PM

EVANESCENCE Bring Me To Life Lyrics How can you see into my eyes like open doors Leading you down into my core Where I've become so numb without a soul My spirit sleeping somewhere cold Until you find it there and lead it back home (Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark (Wake me up) Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) Before I come undone (Save me) Save me from the nothing I've become Now that I know what I'm without You can't just leave me Breathe into me and make me real Bring me to life (Wake me up) Wake me up inside (I can't wake up) Wake me up inside (Save me) Call my name and save me from the dark (Wake me up) Bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) Before I come undone ..........

Jun 24 2013, 02:14 PM

If people doesnt think that i will now when they turn me down down for someone else and then doesnt it .. U r a low life.. and i know a lot of people and i got people everywhere that r loyal too me and tells me stuff that i need to know about people! If u read this journal entry well then i will take joy in when u get ur heart broken in the future by ur on and off gf lol u deserve that i could doo stuff to destroy ur life.. but naah i will let karma deal with u in the future :D >:3 To end this then i will never give u another chance in the future too be with me in any way.. i only give second chances too friends and such not to pathetic guys who cant say to my face or even message me when they doesnt like me anymore.. lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxlove almost all of u xxxxxxxxxxxx <3 peace :)

Jun 15 2013, 06:10 PM

i am tiiired of being fuuuuuuuucking alone ,-, :/ well guys will always see me as the nice and caring girl that will always be friend zoooned.. but well excuse me if i doesnt wanna be a fucking whore who has sex with every guy i see or that showwws too much of my body and such -_- 3 I just wanna find someone who wont judge me by my past and present and will understand that i am not perfect .__. .........

Apr 30 2013, 06:03 AM

I just can't get enough of Within Temptation's music :] Their lyrics has such special divine and a higher meaning for me ...in so many ways of ways Hm... i need to go to soo many meetings atm.. regarding my psychological well being -_-"...urgh... i hate it >.> i really hate that certain people that r very close to me has really big economical problems :'( .. i really do wish that i could help those people.. by giving them money .__.... But i doesn't get all that much money atm.. so i can't really afford it :/ One thing that solves certain gentlemen's probs for the time is to buy them a bottle of Jack Daniel's :3 ( I only give that out too men in my life that means a lot too me like my dad for example :3) I just wanna go into my fav this weekend and i will prolly do that...get all thoughtful works best for me when i got the calmness of forests :3 Sailing on the seas with my dad.. soothes me to c=... the sound of the ocean waves r so soothing <3...maybe i should write a poem about soon o.o Hear you me by Jimmy eat world always makes me cry soo much because it makes me think of my norweigan grandad Helge who died 5 years ago :/ ... i miss him very much and i did get to spend a lot of time with him in the end... his memory wasnt that good.. but he always makes me smile when i was having walks with him, my dad and with my youngest sis Nina.. and when he saw a dog then he would always communicate with it :') ( he had a true talent for communicating with animal which i have to some extent too :3) I will keep my Norweigan surname even if i get married in the future to honour him <3 what doesnt kill you,makes you stronger.. that surely is my fav quote and something that i truly live on by.. i have been in some dangerous situations by i always seem to overcome them in the end :) A tip to all girls out there : u doesnt need a lot of make up to look beautiful <3 i dont use a lot of make up and because of that then i got a really good skin.. especially my facial parts...but i do use a lot of different skin products to from cheap ones like nivea to expensive ones like Elizabeth Arden :3 Well i also use different kinds of shampoo from cheap ones like Lorea'l to expensive ones like my new fav brand Paul Mitchell( costs like 20 £ per bottle but it contains 300 ml thou ) and my other fav that is John Frieda ( 10 £ per bottle or if u go to Germany then u can get that for only half price) their anti-frizz shampoo and balsam is heavenly for ur hair <3 Anyways enough of beauty tips :3......... To end this journal entry.. then be blessed and i wish that everyone will get to have a wonderful and maybe even sunny day <3 xxxxxxxxx love to all of u xxxxxxxxxx

Apr 29 2013, 02:43 AM

I just love rainy days soo much... :3 <3 I really do need to think more positive about myself and my life thou.. and that will take a lot of therapy and even more meds and stuff -_-" Well i do hope that i will get to go to Denmark for a weekend sometime in may :3... my happiest childhood memories was from over there.. soo thats why that country will always have a special place in my mind But i do long most for the summer to come !!! because of all the sailing i will do with my dad and to go to GERMANY <3333 for like 10 days or soo :') and see my fav city in the whole world again.. Lübeck :33333 <3 I should really continue trying to learn german atm.. but i am tooo lazy too do it..lol I really do love my family and my relatives and a few close friends... without them then i wouldn't still be alive today ...I know that most of them can't see this journal entry but...U guys r the best <333 I will finally quite soon be able to afford buying myself a new Iphone 5 :3 ...^.^ i have saved for that for a bit of a time now...and having ur own apartment does cost a lot >. I am fortunate thou too have people close to me that can help me financially when i need it :) and i am really thankful for that too This is the only place where i really put out some of my thoughts and what happens in my life..because facebooks suck.. >.> Anyway ......blessed be all and have a wonderful continued day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxlove to all of u xxxxxxxxxxx <3

Apr 26 2013, 12:52 PM

I hate my life....... i really have the urge to cut myself more and more ... and i can't stop doing it I really wanna stop cutting but i can't seem to do it.. I know that people r prolly sick of hearing and seeing me keep on moaning of how i feel and how much my life sucks.. I don't know of i feel sooo depressed as i am right now.. because i am mixing my anti-depressants with 2 sorts of sleep meds The only thing that really keeps me from really doing something really stupid to myself...something dangerous ...that is my dad..<3 he is my hero and the rest of my family,relatives and a few close friends and too end this journal entry with this latin sentence....Fortuna caeca est

Apr 16 2013, 07:40 AM

I just wanted for everyone too know that i have changed my mind and that i will not be on here more than once a day or less for sometime as because of my own personal problems that i still need to fight against.... :/ I have started cutting myself again and i can't seem to stop ever doing that :/.... i am really thinking a lot of dark thoughts about suicide by cutting myself really deep or be taking too much sleeping meds mixed with alcohol... So i think its for the best that i will be really trying to take my mind off both here on from facebook for a long time... 2 months or so...... I am having a really hard way as i have always had to go through to get the life that i dream of having..... least but not last....I love all of u guys sooo much <333 and i really wished that i could be on here more.. but i need to really think whats best for myself and not too always put others problem before my own :/ .......The only reason that i am still alive today....is because of .....My dad <3 he is the only reason why i still wanna live on.. because he needs my support and love <3333 xxxxxxlove to all of u and i do hope things will get better to the most of u......<3 xxxxxxx