Sep 01 2013, 11:45 AM

Well, I've been pretty good lately. I've been distracting myself from the bad things. My dad has been fine, visually at least. He doesn't look any worse than he did last year, so I'm a bit happier. I still like that guy, but I've been distracting myself from him as well. Mainly by football games xD I just wanna write down a the highlight of my week, because I have been bursting to tell someone, but I don't wanna boast or whatever. This way, people have the choice to read it. So, It was after school on Tuesday last week, and My parents and I were in in The Wee Rangers Club, hanging out for a while before the football game. We sat down, had a few drinks (mines being a coke xD) and talked to people around us for a while. Soon, My mum went out for a fag (Yes, a Cigarette) and I went out with her to talk privately for a while. We went back in, and sat down, our seats being in the middle of the room basically, three chairs around each table, which was small and made of glass. We sat for about 2 minutes, talking, before my mum pointed behind me and said ''There's Nacho Novo'' ''Aye, right'' I turned round and gasped. He was sitting right behind me, having a drink with a few people, laughing. I was gobsmacked. I was sitting in a pub, with my back to a football Legend. I had watched this guy play football since I was six, and he was my child hood hero. ''Do you want to go say hello?'' I shook my head ''Only if you come with me...'' My mum laughed at me, and stood up. I followed, and he looked up when we stood next to him. He smiled and agreed to have a picture took. He put his arm around my waist, and I put mines around his, with my other hand covering my mouth, to calm me down. My mum told me to move my hand, so I did, still hyperventilating. My mum took the pictures, and I said thanks before we went back to the seats. We talked for a while (Well, I just sat and mumbled to my self, still freaked out) And then my Dad gave my mum a £10 note and told her to go buy Novo a drink. She went over to the bar, and bought him a Budweiser before giving it to him and sitting back down. Less than a minute later, I felt someone touching my shoulders, and I moved to turn around, but they stopped me and kissed me on the cheek, at the corner of my mouth. For some reason, I knew from the feeling that it was Nacho Novo. ''Thank you'' I turned and looked at him as he whispered that, his Spanish accent evident, and my suspicions were confirmed as I watched him move back to his seat. I turned back around, and just stared at the wall, before I felt my mum rubbing my knee, and I realised I was crying. She held up my phone so I could see my reflection, and sure enough, my face was streaked with tears. So, that night, I couldn't sleep because of that xD Yeah, that's basically the full story, and I messaged him on twitter to apologize for being a blithering idiot, and say thanks for the picture and the kiss. He didn't answer, obviously, but I felt better saying it. I also heard that he is doing a meet 'n greet/ dinner interview on the 19th September, on a thursday, so my Mum is going to let me buy tickets for it. But tickets are limited, and we don't have the money at the moment, so I have a feeling I'm going to be disappointed... Thanks for reading anyway :D

Aug 26 2013, 10:57 AM

Weeellll...I'm just getting more idiotic by the day... I was sitting with my friends, up a tree where we normally hang out after school. I was feeling a bit...weird, because of this guy that I've mentioned before, because he walked up behind me and put his hat on my head at lunch time... So I was pretty angry at my self for being a complete idiot, and I was lightly punching the tree. But my friend was reading out a story, and for some reason it made me feel worse, so I pulled my hand back and punched the tree trunk as hard as I could, now my knuckle is all swollen and blue...

Aug 23 2013, 02:16 PM

I don't even know what happened. Well, I do, I just don't know what went through my head. I cut my arm and my leg. With the blade from a sharpener. I have been very emotional lately, and no, it's not the time of the month. I have a crush on this guy, and everytime I almost forget him, he speaks to me, smiles, waves, or even just makes eye contact, and I freak out all over again. I've known him for about a year, and he is in the same band as me, in school. I stand beside him, we play bass drum. But anyway, I can't stop thinking about him, and there's a problem. He's 17. and I'm 13. so, I was feeling really down, and I haven't been able to cry for a few days, but I had to let out the emotion somehow. So I found my blade, cleaned it, and now 3 on my shoulder and 2 on my lower leg. I hope to hell my mum doesn't see them... I haven't cut in about a month, and I just ruined it. Fucking fuckedy fuck fuck. so, problems for me 1. My dad has cancer 2. My dog is dying 3. My crush probably doesn't like me back It doesn't seem so bad now I really look at it. My dad's cancer isn't very aggressive, so he should be okay. My dog probably has about another year, at the least, although he is getting worse. and My crush might, just maybe, like me back. I guess I'm gonna list the good things now 1. My dad will survive. 2. My dog has a while yet 3. I have a lot of good friends 4. I'm actually enjoying school now. 5. My crush might like me back 6. If he doesn't, we can be friends Sooo...uhm....That was a quick mood-swing. Not sure how long these butterflies will last though...

Aug 10 2013, 09:39 PM

Sooooo...I have been okayish today. exhausted though. I had 2 and a half hours of sleep last night. The football game was freaking amazing. Rangers won 4-1, so it was brilliant. I've been doing random things to take my mind off of things. including going walks in the forest by myself, drawing, singing, writing, reading, and playing my guitar and keyboard. My dad is so cheery about it. He acts like he doesn't care, and he jokes about it all the time. I'm really proud to have him as a dad, even if he can be an ass at times, like most people xD I guess things have just generally lightened up anyway. We are going to regular football games, which always lifts his spirits, and we have already started planning for next years trip to Blackpool :D I have one thing to say. Sometimes being an innocent little kid that doesn't understand would be better than having to face things. Or at least for a while. Other times, we need to understand, or else we feel helpless and useless. Guys, I know I'm only 13, and I haven't faced ''life'' yet. But that doesn't mean I can't try to understand. Sure, I'm a cheery nutcase in chat. But do you guys honestly think I could hold that up 24/7? I just try not to come across as a depressed little kid that thinks the whole world is against her. True, I feel like that sometimes, but then again, doesn't everyone at some point? No one has an absolutely perfect life, no matter how good it gets. My life is perfect in some ways, in others, it's not even close. I have my ups and downs, and I break sometimes, and think I can't take it anymore. But you know what? So far, I have thought about ending it god knows how many times. But it's really not worth it. All you are doing is hurting the people that love you. I don't care what you think, There is always someone there that loves you, even if they don't show it. Ending your life doesn't solve your problems, it erases yours, and sometimes loads them off on someone else. Or it just creates new problems. Personally, I wouldn't have the guts to do it. I used to cut, and yes, it did make me feel better at the time, but it doesn't solve your problems. Hurting yourself, mentally of physically, accidentally or intentionally, does NOT solve anything. Just remember, I know most of you don't want to talk to a kid about your problems, and I'm only 13, but I'm here to listen if you guys need me. That's what friends are for, right? Be them over the internet, or face to face. Ohmygosh... It's 5:38 Am xD I've been writing stories all night...literally...I started writing this at 1 Am :/ Oh well, I'll talk soon luvyas, leavyas, seeyas

Aug 09 2013, 07:03 PM

Well, it happened. I broke. I'm lying in bed, and I'm reading a fanfiction. the girl in the story ends up depressed, because her dad died from cancer. I automatically thought about my situation, and burst out crying. I hope my mum and dad don't hear me, since it's 2:48 am.... I can't stop crying now. I feel like locking myself in my room and not leaving. I guess I'm making it worse, considering I'm listening to terrible things- mayday parade... GOD. Someone just please help. I can't take this! I don't know what I would do if my dad wasn't here :'( I just want him to be okay... I can't believe this is happening!!!! Normally drawing makes me feel better, but every time I get halfway, I burst out again, and ruin it with tears. I give up. Nothing is making me feel better, beside this. typing it out is helping slightly, but I can't stop crying. Whenever I remember why I am typing this, I just start sobbing again. Okay, I've stopped crying. I hate crying. I feel like a kid, and I always get bullied about being over-sensitive. Well, It's not like anyone that bothers to read this is going to. I'm gonna leave you guys till later, with one question... How the fuck do I get through this?...

Aug 09 2013, 01:19 PM

Well. My dad dropped one helluva bomb today. It was just the two of us in the house, and I was on youtube, so he stopped me, and asked me if he could tell me something. I agreed, and listened. He explained that he had got the confirmation from the hospital this morning. and he has cancer. It isn't progressing very fast, but it has been there for a while, they think. It isn't as serious as most. It is prostate cancer. So, me being me, I didn't really know how to react...So I just nodded and listened while he phoned my brothers and sister to tell them. I honestly don't know what to say or do now. I don't want to freak out, in case it freaks him out. But I don't want to act like I don't care! And I don't want to tell any of my friends, because one of my best friends lost her dad last year due to cancer, and another one's dad is fighting it just now. It's like it's a fucking chain reaction!! So, anyway, I guess I'm gonna be pretty busy drawing, and talking on here for the next few days.

Aug 09 2013, 07:15 AM

Weeeell, I'm just doing this for a weird conversation topic... I've dyed my hair black, but bleached parts, for colored highlights... I am doing red ones again, but I want a few new ideas... What color should I do next time? I'm keeping the black, I just need a new colored highlight. And I need some more inspiration for drawing...Whether it's on a sketchpad, or ground xD I do not use paints or pens...except from writing pens, just not felt tips. I honestly don't care if you don't like me or my drawings or whatever.

Aug 05 2013, 06:47 PM

soooooo, yeah, I'm bored, and this is my excuse to stay awake, considering it's fucking 02:27 Am.... So, I've been pretty good lately, although A few things have been messing with my mind. 1. I haven't been able to sleep right since before the start of summer. And 2. My emotions have been all over the place, what with the family drama from a while ago, and then I had an argument with two of my friends. But otherwise, everything's been fine. my friends and I apologized to each other, so it's all back to normal. Or as normal as it gets for me xD I can't believe I need to go see a fucking One Dickrection movie though =-= I promised my friend I woud go with her if she came to a BVB concert with me... I haven't posted any new videos on youtube lately, although when I get back to school I probably will. It takes my mind off of the assholes there. I'm too fucking sensitive to the comments. I'm pretty confused though. If you're reading this, I don't care if we don't talk, please, just answer this; why do so many people tell me their problems and ask for advice? I am only 13, and I haven't had much experience in life, So why do people trust me and tell me their problems? Furthermore, why do they ask for advice? I don't know how to handle relationships and depression. I've struggled with cutting, but I got over it, by drawing and playing music. I'm not gonna say that is the solution. It really depends on you, and your decisions. I try to give advice on all of the stuff I'm told, but seriously, If I don't know what to say, I'll tell you. I don't know enough in life to be whatever it is you guys need. The truth is, I might not be depressed anymore, or cutting, or any of those things, but I still need someone to listen. I don't like telling one single person my problems, that's why I use this. It means I can get a reply without one person being pressured. I hate feeling guilty, and pressuring people for answers normally provokes that... Anywhore, Luvyas, Leavyas, seeyas another time ~Morgan Stewart P.S: Random question; Why did you guys pick your names? anyone can answer :P Luvyas, Leavyas, seeyas mwhaghagaaga P.P.S: It is now 02:49 Am, 06/08/13

Jul 30 2013, 07:34 PM

Well, Things seem to have gotten better in my life :) Thanks to everyone that helped me out and supported me My mum and I are talking again. we sorted it out I haven't spoke to my brother since all of that kicked off. At least he's okay. and him and Lyndsay are back together My dog, Rudi, Is getting a bit better. He has hip problems, like most German Shepherds, and he is fairly old. I started giving him a can of fish (eww) every other day, and I've been taking him out more often, and he seems to be improving I haven't cut at all since all of that. Even though my leg still hurts like a bitch, the cuts are already beginning to fade. I finally got my hair the way I wanted it. It is in the usual short layers on top, long on the bottom style, and it's black with red through it. It's hard work getting it to sit right though. -_- I was pretty happy the other day. My new make-up brush set came through the mail :D It's Elegant snow colored (white, duhh) and it has 33 different pieces. I need new eyeliner though... xD I'm beginning to talk to my friends more, and we have planned to hang out on friday, so that should be fun ^_^ I'm still having problems sleeping though. If I go to my bed about 9, chances are I won't sleep until 6. And I have to get up earlier every day, considering I start back at school soon. This took it's toll on me today. I got to sleep at 6 this morning, but had to get up at 7 to go to the dentist for a check-up. I went, and when I came back it was already half four, because I had been shopping as well. I ended up researching slenderman, out of sheer boredom and curiosity, and I actually fell asleep at about half past 5. I woke up at half 7 because my dad told me my dinner was ready. So I now can't sleep. again. Considering I am righting this at 3 am. -_- 31/07/13 I've been reading a lot lately. Mostly fan-fictions and stuff like that. I ended up losing about 40 followers on twitter because I wasn't active enough, but I got some more, by basically rapid tweeting. I still can't believe the amount of people that actually talk to me here xD I expected most people to hate me, and I have actually made quite a few friends on here ^_^ I have some really insane songs stuck in my head. Like Insanity: the original and the frost mix, I don't wanna die- hollywood undead, The lullaby from pans labyrinth and Blood (I seen it in a Jeff the Killer song... I don't know the original) I don't even know why I'm typing this. I guess it's a teenage boredom thing. I keep freaking myself out. I heard singing earlier, freaked out, then realized it was me -_- Then I looked out my window and wished that the creepypasta characters were real. I know they are all supposed to be murderers in the stories, But...Ugh, I don't know. I just feel like I could, I dunno, be different with them. I finished another fanfiction. Based on Jeff the Killer. I didn't make it mushy though. I hate these fan fictions that make him seem like a soppy git in love with a girl from a movie. I rather the ones that you can still tell he is a murderer. It seems more...Realistic. I haven't been drawing portraits or Chibi or Anime lately. I just keep drawing the creepy-pastas. I can't put them on my wall though. I ran out of tacks a little while ago. I keep on replaying this song. I'm going to give you all an update on ''Me'' I probably have it on my profile, but I don't give a fuck. I am Morgan Stewart. I am 13 years old, but I look about 14 or 15. I am tall for my age too. I like a lot of different types of music. Just not the whiny Justin Beiber of One Direction shit that you hear now. I have 3 dogs, Rudi and Lucy, who are 10, and Kai, who is 3 or 4 now. They are all German shepherds, although Lucy is part Japanese Akita. I Have Black/red hair, naturally reddish-brown, and brown eyes. I listen to music a lot. I'm not going to say it is my life, because it's not. I listen to music, draw, read, write, and I enjoy playing music. I can drum, play piano, trumpet, clarinet, Guitar and I like singing, even if I'm rubbish at it. When it comes to drawing, I don't care what people think. I draw because I enjoy it, and when other people like it, it's just a bonus. I know I'm not going to be a famous artist or anything, but I enjoy it just the same. With reading, I prefer fantasy, or action/romance. I don't read comics, and to be honest, I don't watch manga/anime or whatever. And singing, I do kinda care what people think. I know I'm not that good, but I like it if someone takes interest in singing. I am generally nice to most people. I don't think I've had a real argument on here yet. I'm not so good face to face though. I have my friends, but I don't talk to anyone else, unless introduced to them by a friend. I'm even worse with the prissy bitches. By that I mean the ones that wear all of the clothes that cost a fortune and act like bitches to the people who are different from them. Well, that's all I wanted to say, I think. It's now 3:34 am, so hopefully I can sleep soon. Luvyas, leavyas, seeyas

Jul 23 2013, 03:02 PM

My mum still isn't talking to me, My brother got out of prison though, and seems to be doing better, Emotionally. I've not spoke to lyndsay for a few days, But I don't think she hates me. Not sure though. I had a relapse today :'( I was downstairs, And I tried to talk to my mum, and she just ignored me. I needed to do something to stop the pain, So I took out the blade from my pencil-sharpener. The cuts are on my legs. And they hurt like a bitch, But it did make me feel better at the time. My dog (Rudi) Is getting worse. His hips keep on giving in, and he just falls where he is. I don't know how much longer I can take it :( I can't live without him. He's basically my brother. Well, That's all I wanted to say...