Old, weak, and feeble, But the lesson taught to me, to stay away from evil,she doesn't care for me.
She haunts me in my sleep,though I tore that page away. And, here on Devils Island,I'll always have to stay.
Devil's Island, by Megadeth
hollyyy shit.
its been a really long time since ive even posted on here.
see, i made this account when i was some awkward wannabe scene person . but hey everyone goes through those shitty phases dont they!?!? if not then um pls forget about the past me lmfao.
anyway, yeah. so. ive actually changed ALOT since last time i've posted anything on here. i go to a better school now, bullying lightened up, im less insecure about my weight (kind of) im not starving myself anymore, but im still depressed. somehow, with all these things getting better, my depression is getting worse. which idk how the fuck that even happens, but it does. so yeah.
i have become alot more depressed and alot more angry with the world and people. i hate people. basically if you are not listed below i hate you:
trebor
catt
louis
keanna
elleigh
nathan
zach
jordan witzigruter
oli sykes
IF YOU ARENT LISTED ABOVE THERES A 99 PERCENT CHANCE I HATE YOU BYE,
just kidding. that isnt true. i dont really hate everyone. i just hate the world. if that makes any sense. which it probably fucking doesnt.
i'm just gunna go listen to music now.
goodbye everyone..
im sorry for being so annoying before Dx
so i'm down to 112!! :DDD
pretty much all i eat during the day is a protein bar. then i eat a small amount of dinner and im actually loosing weight from this :DD
i work out alot too. just whenever i feel like it, then at 6 is my set time to do my full workout.
im enjoying this.
maybe i can go down a few sizes cause right now im a size 3 :s
IM BACK DOWN TO 115 THANK GOD
for like the past week i had been 120-123.
might have been water weight from my periiod but its over now
and im 115. yaaaaaaay!!
just got done working out ((:
i was so happy for the past like. week and a half.
what the hell is going on? why is all of this slowly coming back to me?
i can feel myself drowning again, with every step i take.
i dont ever want to be this depressed again.
looks like its too late for that.
so for the past two weeks or so i was working on being happy.
it worked for a while, thanks to my good friend nykki. shes helping me through this sooo well, and i even stopped cutting.
but now im feeling depressed again...
i feel so fucking fat, im getting back into this ana stuff.
im not eating today, except for dinner when my mom makes me eat ,and i wont eat very much.
the only thing ill probably eat today is fruit, and i probably wont even eat that much of it, im drinking alot and its keeping me full.
if only i had some gum -.-
im trying to get down to 100 pounds by the end of the summer, school starts.
i wont stop until i have a thigh gap and a flat tummy.
i thought it would get better but it just keeps getting worse.
im so hungry but i kinda wanna starve.
and i just feel so alone.
the one i really love i cant even be with...
im so sad and i dont have anyone that even understands me .
i have no one
i thought summer would make things so much better and it did at first but now its going back to normal
normal is sad
i feel so worhtless.
im all alone, and i feel like ill never make it.
my dream is to be a singer, but im so bad at singing. its a stupid dream i know, but i want it to come true more than anything. i cant stop crying. ill never make it as a singer. ill never make it as anything. im such a screwup and im bad at everything i do.
i started cutting again. i just cant take it anymore. i lost my bestfriend, i have a "friend" whos constantly putting me down &my one bestfriend, well, im her second choice. she likes jalen more than me and she sides with jalen on freaking everything. and jalen is a total arse to me, yet she agrees with him. he used to be my bestfriend but i guess that term really means nothing to the people here.
this is why i want to run away. just me and my mom. the only person who really cares about me anymore.
so hello.
its been quite a while since ive last been on here.
i just got back from my trip from georgia to visit my two bestfriends only to come back & realize that they no longer accept me.
they tried to change my hair style, hair color, makeup. saying i should die it brown & that my eyeliner was too think & made me look goth...
uhh okay whatever...
one of them eventually accepted me, but the other one...not so much...
welp.
idk what to really write now.
hahahahaahhahahaaaaa.
