Ya know, I haven't been able to cry for a long time. All I can do anymore is laugh, probably because I'm just a joke lol. My family is as clueless as ever and my new friends are starting to get a bit pushy but why the hell would I tell them things that would only make them run away? Why can't people respect the fact I just don't talk about shit anymore? I do it for them lol.
Turned 23 today and not gunna lie some of my older journal entries made me cringe a bit.. but I figured an updated one was due..not much is different except I'm older and I'm not trying to kill myself as obviously as I used to. That's what smoking and drinking is for :D But I missed you all and I'm still here for anyone who needs to talk/vent or needs advice.
it amazes me how i went from having it all to losing it all. i woke up feeling great now i wake up wishing that i didnt. everyday is just another struggle. i keep wondering, whats my purpose? why am i still alive? when can i finally die? im tired of crying. im tired of suffering. frankly, im tired of living..living like this anyways..i want to be happy. but those dreams died long ago. today shall be my 11th attempt. lets hope it will be my final and successful attempt. i wish you all the best.
I thought we'd always be together..always inseperable..i fucked up so bad..i'm pretty sure there's a spot for me in hell for what i did..i lost the only thing that ever made me feel alive and like i was something instead of nothing..who is responsible you may ask? ..i am... 3
im fuckin sick of all this shit! why do people hate me for no god damn reason?! i know i havent done ANYTHING to ANYONE so why are people hating on me! People expect me to not feel worthless but how can i feel like something special if people are constantly bringing me down! I fuckin hate this! if i stay and live, people torture me. if i kill myself ill be hated and judged even more..WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO! IVE NEVER FELT MORE STUCK IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!
It burns for a moment but, but then it numbs you. takes you and leaves you just caught in the grey..3
every time i listen to this song i cry because i just wish i felt numb. i cant take pain dammit. every time im finally happy, someone has to ruin it for me or i have to fuck something up. honestly, if i wasnt so afraid of death, i'd be 6 ft under. i really dont have a reason to live. my brother hates me, my parents want nuthing to do with me, every boy i date cheats on me, i have no friends..i have NOTHING. im hated but i just dont know why..i havent done anything to anyone dammit! so whatever..i wont be missed and i have nothing to miss..
